My ex husband left me 3 years ago today. I woke early and it was only through fumbling around on my I pad that I realised the date. I have spent the last 30 minutes reading some of my very early posts. Gosh I was a mess back then and hurting badly. The memories flood back but they don''t hurt me anymore. Once upon a time I couldn''t have read these old posts but today I don''t feel bothered by them.
What''s a liittle strange at the moment is some of the oddities that are occurring without me realizing the connection to the timeframe. In one of my posts I talk about a time when I am deeply upset by the trauma of him leaving and in the dead of night I go into my youngest sons bedroom. My eldest son is sharing his room whilst we are decorating his. I find a lot of comfort there that night and I''m so very thankful that they are with me. 3 years on we are decorating my youngest sons bedroom, they are doubling up again. No tears tonight, what woke me today is their chitter chatter and giggles. But there is some sadness for me at least. My eldest son is leaving home this weekend. He isn''t moving far away but that doesn''t matter, what matters is he won''t be here and I will miss him so much. He''s ready to go and I get that, so I feel some excitement for him and a lot of sadness for me. His laughter is a tonic which is priceless and I envy his housemates.
When I first found wiki it was literally a life line for me, I wouldn''t have got through some of those very dark hours without it that''s for sure. I remember my first wiki meet, I was frozen with fear as I traveled into Manchester and then very nervously introduced myself to a group of complete strangers. Strangers who had held my hand and supported me through a time in my life which was truly horrendous. Strangers who promised that things would get better, that I would walk in the sunshine again and that I was doing ever so well. I was hurting, I was doubtful and I was confused.
Two days ago I meet up with a wiki, we had not met before but I''m sure we will meet again. I travelled to Manchester but this day I didn''t feel anything like I did before. We had coffee, followed by tea, we walked through the bustling activity of the city to an Italian restaurant ( one of my favorites ) we chatted with such ease. We left Manchester and each other some 7 hours after we arrived. It had been a good day.
I am now divorced, I kept the
FMH, I am mortgage free and love my home. It has protected me from things I wasn''t strong enough to handle. It was and still is my sanctuary. I am very thankful I was able to stay here. I took redundancy in the middle of getting divorced. I never imagined that would happen. I was or so I thought a lifer. 18 months later I am still working in a job I thought was nothing more than a gap filler. I am now an accredited trainer and doing really well. Perhaps I''ll stay, who knows.
I survived a very bad time. Once upon a time I would have had my old life back in a heartbeat. Now I wouldn''t touch it with a barge pole. I still have work to do on myself but I''m ok. i have achieved rather a lot in the last 3 years, life doesn''t stand still. Things change and those things change us and sometimes whilst we don''t see it at the time change us for the better.
LG xXx
