Struggling

Recent posts on here have set my mind going again. It''s been over 5 years since I split from my ex and the financial part was a nightmare due to him not playing fair and running his businesses into the ground. I had a tough fight which very nearly finished me off.

I just made the mistake of going online and seeing his abbreviated company accounts which show a pattern, over many years, of the ''money in bank'' as being in the £30k bracket, apart, of course, from the year we did our negotiations where it was £8k. It''s made me feel all stirred up again and I''m struggling with the idea of reporting him to HMRC. At the time I exposed his ''creative accounting'' to the Mediator and I know that HMRC would have a field day.

Why when I think I''m over all this (even have a new man in my life who has moved in with me) do I go back and start torturing myself again.

I need someone to tell me it really isn''t a good idea to report him yet I hate the idea of tax fraud whether it''s him or anyone else.

Action wrote:

I need someone to tell me it really isn''t a good idea to report him yet I hate the idea of tax fraud whether it''s him or anyone else.

Its not a good idea. But I would like to perhaps explore why you feel this way. Like you want to dob him in even though you are settled with someone new.

Its the injustice of it all. In the papers we see companies getting away with it when they should be paying. We have to pay. We have no choice. But some get away with it. I suspect its that. Its the injustice of what he has done and you want to right that wrong. Nothing wrong with that.

But you shouldnt do anything. You should leave sleeping dogs lie. But why? You will drag all this up again. All the hurt and pain you went through before. Concentrate on the future. Not the past. The past is done with.

I believe in Karma. Ok Karma is the wrong word. Karma means something else. But I use that word as people understand what that means. Also I believe in "What goes around comes around". He will get his comeupance as my old ma used to say. Just leave him. He will be dealt with one day. They all do. Marshy.

Thanks Marshy - strangely your words are pretty much what I would have advised if someone had posted what I did - I think!

I too am a strong believer in Karma and I seriously don''t believe he''ll get away with it forever.

I also saw, online, that his new girlfriend has been appointed as Company Secretary (a role I once had) - I wonder if she realises what she''s getting into!

Wish I had a switch to turn all this angst off. Does it ever go away?

I am in a similar situation. My stbx did something really stupid many years ago. I covered for him for the sake of my very young family. He made many more stupid mistakes but never as bad. After 30 yrs of covering for him, he wants a divorce. I am now left with, do I tell the kids (adults) what I have had to put up with. Do I report him to authorities or do I just say, whats done is done.
Does`nt seem right that I have put up with some difficult situations to protect my family, then he decides he wants a divorce. Im not sure who I would hurt the most and if it will achieve anything but heartache if I do.
Im waiting for karma at the moment, but it just seems to be kicking me up the butt.
I would hope that 5 years down the line I will have left all the baggage behind but like you, im not sure you can ever totally leave the past behind. justice, like trust, is a very difficult thing to resolve. Best of luck, hopefully you can move on and make a very wonderful life for yourself.

It''s a tricky one itsbeenalongtime. When we were going through the financial negotiations I discovered that my ex was committing fraud - he persuaded his client that he needed an admin assistant while he was working overseas. The ''assistant'' was paid with EC money and her hotel fees paid. The ''assistant'' was in fact the hooker that he had met some time previously and was the catalyst for the breakdown of our marriage. I just so wish he had been found out. What would I have sounded like exposing him though? Even more bitter and twisted than I am!

I was pretty frank telling my kids but they were grown ups and I was severely depressed at the time so didn''t have the mental capacity to properly think things through. I think my boys pretty much had my ex sussed without me telling them. They were and are close to me and I am like an open book - no hiding if there''s something wrong so I just used to let it all out.

The Karma will come when you least expect it. There have been a few such moments for me but certainly not the shed load that he deserves - yet!

Action wrote:

Wish I had a switch to turn all this angst off. Does it ever go away?

Yes it does. But you have to be prepared to let go and forgive. Start with yourself and then onto him. You have to forgive him. I know that sounds hard and it is. It can stick in your throat. But this forgiveness is never given. Its just for you. But its amazing. Once you forgive, things start to change. All the anger bleeds away and you stop all the pain shopping.

You have had your revenge. She has him now. Thats revenge right there. Marshy.

These stories are all sounding so familiar - pray for strength and thank you for sharing it all helps knowing I''m not alone. Despite having friends and family to share things nobody can understand the pain and bitterness of being so hurt - this site is brilliant