I've ruined my life

Update time...

I have spent a few days / nights over at Jane's house. I think we are getting along well, discussing things, sorting out problems etc. It would appear however, that she feels like I am pushing her too fast. Time for me to back off I think. I am now back at our old house and giving her the much needed space she wants.

I am the typical guy, I want to fix things now, not later. I know what is broken and need to make things right. Jane has been down the long road to despair a lot further that me though and she will take more time to come back.

I'm not disheartened, just annoyed at myself for not doing the right thing. There is still plenty talk of our future together and how things will turn out. Let's hope that all of it comes true

Any feedback on how to re-approach things from a time perspective will be gratefully received.

I am keeping up to date with all of your stories and wishing you all well (not posting a lot though).

Hey, you never know, I may even make it into chat one day

the big thing I get from your threads now is that you are thinking of things from her perspective as well as yours now.

I think you are right to back off for a bit again, let her know that you are there if she needs you and take a little time for yourself again.

I wish you all the luck in the world, keep up the good work and keep letting us know how things are, good or bad.

Take care of yourself xx

Lsoft1 I loved the poem you wrote, no wonder it made your wife cry, you were maybe showing her emotions for the first time in months! Congrats on going to AA & finding help to recover from alcohilsm. I know that disease too well as my stbx is also an alcoholic & goes to AA 3 times a week for the past 4 years. Only when YOU get your life back on track & vow to stay with AA & beat the disease, love yourself & respect others, will you be able to love your wife properly. I know because i lived through that hell myself.
Hoping your keeping to your 'One day at a time' routine cos it really works!
Take care,
Cindy

lsot,

I wish my stbx had made half the effort you are making. In court last week he said he had been an alcoholic since 1971. We married in 1989. I had no idea. It only dawned on me in the late 90s when things got intolerable .. and he refused all help. Weirdly though he said since sepration 4 years ago he did not drink and was not depressed ... but still goes to the pub for a couple of pints. Somehow I am unconvinced.

Hadenoughnow

My Husband did exactly what you did to your wife. I went back home to try to work it out. He was all over me like a rash, I felt really uncomfortable. He had never shown me that much attention for years, to be truthful It freaked me out so much that after two weeks I had to leave.
So be careful, take it slowly and just be you.

Another update.

We have just been out to the pictures (movies or whatever you call it these days!) it was like going out on a date, I bought myself some new clothes and aftershave and spruced myself up. Jane noticed straight away.

Had a great night and then a coffee back at hers, we chatted and agreed that we are both 100% behind working things out, even if it means that we stay apart for a little while longer. That makes me feel a whole lot better I can tell you.

House has been valued today and we will get a decent amount of equity out of it, providing it sells in the current climate.

One final thing, when I left Jane's tonight, she gave me a big hug and a lovely smacker of a kiss on the lips. (wow!!). Damn, I forgot how good she tastes!!!

Will keep you all up to date as things progress.

Thanks for all your feedback, it sure helps you know

Fingers crossed I hope that all the advice given on Wiki has helped you through this. Whatever the outcome you are getting stronger . Your experiences could help others so dont stop using Wiki whatever your outcome !!! Polar