I've ruined my life

Still following your epic. Well done for still going so strong on wiki!

No use blaming someone else or expecting others to agree or acknowledge that. Even, especially your own kids. We all have to justify our own actions and be happy with that.

As far as the kids are concerned, however old they are, it still is a wrench, shakes their foundations, the rock they think their lives are built on. How could their parents, father and mother who have provided all (perhaps!) get into this state.

In the end it has happened, each story different but all so much the same, and we all have to get on with what we have got.

And its not the kids fault. still our responsibility, jointly what ever that might mean, and we are still parents with parental roles and responsibilities, still have dependents, in whatever form. So cant look for blame.

And survive and be happy and move forward. Blame slows all that down. Our own misfortune is our own to deal with, put it to one side, learn and turn it into a good and positive thing.

Phoenix from the ashes! w

Well done! Again!

Thanks GW!

I'm not really expecting anyone to agree with anyone else. We own our own feelings and decisions. I have always taught my 2 boys that they WILL make mistakes, as we all do, and I will NOT always be there to help. I will always help pick them up afterwards, but it's themselves that have to fall. (bit grammatically incorrect, but ho hum )

I am happy, I have moved forwards. There's more upset to come yet, I know that, but I am ready for it.

GW,
Nice comments, ones I can relate to.

Lsot1,
Your love for your boys is evident from all your posts.
Yes, you are right, they will make mistakes and fall, As we all do.
Quote : "If you don't fall off, you aint trying"

How far will they fall though .....?,
I believe, that depends on the love and support they get at the time.
I don't doubt your boys will not fall far, (Neither will mine)as your love and support for them is unconditional.


You have come a long, long, way, keep it up.

"I've ruined my life,"

re-read your posts, and consider, maybee, just maybee you have just found it????, found something, ...albeit different...

JTM,

Thanks again for your kind words. You are also a loving father and that is evident.

You're right, my life wasn't ruined, it was altered. It's now a more fulfilling life than I have had for many years. A lot of truth has been found both in me and those around me. I am grateful for the change even if it wasn't what I was looking for.

I shall keep the thread title, it reminds me of how far I have travelled.

You will also hopefully travel a similar path towards a better you, as I hope, will all those currently in a moment of despair. Moment may appear to be the wrong word, but it isn't. This IS but a moment during your life. One to be used as a learning experience.

"I've ruined my life".

No,
There is never an "I",
or indeed a "you",
As there is never, ever a "should have" or "could of" or "would have".

"I" implies guilt, "You" implies blame, and vice versa.
Both are to be avoided.

It takes two to make things work.

If either one or both don't want it to work,
suggest
"We have not ruined, merely re-designed our lives"

Love for children though is unconditional, and cannot be altered, no matter what.
Bit like einstein here, "energy/mass can neither be created, nor destroyed"....

Keep up the posts.

regards.
JTM22003.

Wow jtm, that's a bit deep for 1am!

Point taken though.

Deep for 1am, yeh, I just had a "eureka" moment. I have quite alot of these, trying to comprehend x2b position.
There again I have had alot of time to think about why x2b wants a divorce.
I never did, don't now. (mmm, after I moved out, I now have written proof/mails she seeing someone else).
Financially, "we" will be ruined. (By this I mean short to medium term, long term ... I should be o.k. ......)
House will have to be sold, lucky to clear £20K, between us.
Cant' make sense of this whatsoever, or indeed her, but if she wants a divorce, well, she will get one.

Not spoken or seen x2b for week and a half now, talk by txt/mail.

Have used the "I" word alot, as opposed to the "we".
I am moving on, I think. Plus, in my case, the "I" does not imply guilt anymore. I can no longer help her.

Takes two to tango.

regards
John.