I've ruined my life

My god.
Am still reading through this post.
Everything that you and others have posted now makes alot of sense to me.
You keep on in there, you have made some excellant, if difficult life decisions that will reap benefits for you in the future, you just don't know it yet, or when benefits will happen, but it will. Thing is, You also made the decisions for yourself. You should be very, very, proud of yourself for making those. But you know that don't you???

It never ceases to amaze me, once a decision is made, whether right or wrong, your spirits are truely lifted.

My story ?.
May post it soon, if only to get stuff off my chest.
Can't face it at the moment tho, seperated and just missing my two boys so, so much, it's unbearable. Mind games also, which I try not to rise to.

jtm,

Thandks for taking the time to read my story and thanks very much for your kind words.

I have kept this thread alive for the purposes of showing a real life story on how someone manages to cope through everything. I hope that it will help others who may be just starting off in nightmare land.

I have a small update...

MIL is now failing fast and W text me to tell me that she had insisted on W giving me some ornaments when she 'goes' as I had always liked them. I knew there was a nice woman underneath all the bitterness. I replied to W text by asking her to give MIL my love and tell her I will go see her soon.

I feel better for taking the high road in this situation and not only being true to my own beliefs, but also not stooping low enough to ignore correspondence between W and myself as she has done on many occasions. There's a moral to this story somewhere!

Struggling myself, as you were in early parts.
I can't see an end to this.
Struggle to see light of end of tunnel.
I love my boys, but can't be with them, can't be full time dad.
In the big scheme of things, who cares

Hi jtm

who cares?? We at wiki care, so here is a hug (((jtm))) It is a nightmare journey, full of ups and downs and twists and turns, but there are people here who want to help and guide you, if you will allow them to do so. Everyone has their own story to tell, including yourself, when you are ready, and when that time comes, we will be listening, and, yes, caring too. You may not be a full time dad at present, but you are, and always will be your precious children's Dad and nothing will change that - it is a unique bond for life. Take heart in that, and also, it is very true that time is a great healer, although it may not feel that way right now, but please cling onto that, as it is so true.
best wishes

jtm,

As shadow says, we care. Most if not all of us have been where you are and know just how bad it can feel. Please don't think that you are alone in this.

You are Dad to your boys, they know that and so do you. It's hard when you can't be with them, but you will be a worry for them as they are for you. Look after yourself and be ready to be the loving Dad you are whenever you see them. Don't let your emotions take over in their presence. It's hard not too and I did a couple of times myself, but regetted it immediately. You can cope a lot better if you care for yourself first.

Take Care

Thanks

at work, just about keeping myself together.

May post my stuff later tonight. Just realised this is not my thread.

Have my boys this week end, taking them away, can't wait.
(Agreed I was to have them, but I found out they were given a choice by wife "do you want to come with me, or go see dad". They chose me. The second time this has happened, 2nd time they chose me !)

jtm,

Good to hear you are still at work, it's important to be somewhere other than at home on your own during the dark times.

Great news about the boys...see, they choose you!! Remember that when you feel bad. You have boys that love and care for thier dad.

Don't worry about posting in here...if you want to tell you story though, it's easier to find if you post your own. Take your time and do it when it feel right. Posting actually helped me a great deal (hence the length of this thread!)