I've ruined my life

Thanks for all the replies everyone. It's nice to have people out there that care.

Matt, I have read your posts. Man, you are doing so well with the drink, gratz mate. I am now on day 4 and still feeling ok with it. I have an AA meeting booked for tomorrow night.

Jane, my wife, is still with me at the moment and we are talking now more than we have done for the last 6 months. (why didn't i talk earlier, damn!) I understand what she has to do and hope that she will be ok. Our 2 sons are being fantastic about it, they have promised me that they will call in on mum regular to check she is ok.

We have agreed to remain friends (hell after 24 years, you can't just forget about each other, epsecially with no infidelity taking place and no malice felt towards each other)

Sh*t, I feel so crap for not seeing what I was doing, but now I have had my 'moment of clarity' I will get myself back to who I once was. (I have only been 'into' the drink over the last 2-3 years, no, that should be past tense now!)

When Jane goes, that will be the hardest I think, at the moment I still see her everyday and although things are so hard, it's nice just to be able to see her.

Thanks again everyone, an I will be strong!

Hiya lsot

Firstly im gonna start with a big WELL DONE!
You've admitted you have a drink problem and that is the first step to recovery. Have you been assessed by your GP yet? as alcohol withdrawal can actualy cause more dammage than good if not monitored properly. You've approached AA, again, very brave of you. Being in the company of people with this horrible disease {and it is a disease my freind, dont let anyone tell you different} is a huge help. You've told your wife you'll support her as much as you can and will remain the best of freinds....MEAN IT! Alcoholics are some of the most selfish people on the planet and its so easy to get bitter and twisted and make it "all about us" which is probably one of the reasons your wife is going, i know thats what my wife told me.

I want you to put your financial woes on the back burner, even though it looks very dark now, they're mearly possestions and can be replaced, YOU CANT, YOUR UNIQUE! and dont forget it. Have you any freinds or family you can stay with like i am after leaving with just the clothes on my back? Being alone and trying to battle what we are is just not a healthy place to be.

Your biggest question seems to be, will i get my wife back? Im sorry m8, only she can answer that one but it does sound kinda posative. Your still talking, are remaining freinds, and if she can see the changes your making for yourself, well maybe..... but only she knows the answer to that one. You need to concentrate on healing yourself first before you even think about wooing her back. DONT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES AS I DID! Trying to move to fast and convince her i can and will change, the tears, the begging........She'll just see it as an act like my wife did, even though you may be on the level she wont see it that way and wont be interested anyway, its way to early! Become her freind again first, when you talk, dont talk about the past, look to the future, if you feel the need, talk to her about your AA meetings and counciling if you decide to take any.

Your also going to find, that now you are sober, the memorys will come flooding back like a slap in the face.......again, dont drink to blot them out, remember the good times as its all part of the healing process.
Come on here daily and just put a little at a time if you like, dont let this thread die! i used mine as a daily blog and found it excellent therapy.

I could bang on all day but i wont. Please feel free to pm me anytime, i work nights so may not get back to you straight away, but rest assured i will.

Im gonna leave you with this, hope it helps you as much as it did me.

"God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference"

Good luck with your fight m8

Matt

Matt,

Thanks man, you're a great help. I won't drink to blot out anything. I need to keep a clear head to be able to cope!.

I haven't been to the GP. I am not sure that I need to, my drinking was not too excessive (listen to the alcoholic's denial!..lol) I had 3 litres of 5% cider most nights. Sometimes I had more, but that was generally it. Do I need to see my GP?

I have no problems not drinking during the day as it's something I have never really done (I would fall asleep if i had so much as 1 pint in an afternoon) It's the evenings what it starts. I used to look forward to hitting 5pm so I felt that it was 'my time to have a drink' I didn't eat because I knew that it would make me not too bothered about a drink (wow, I haven't really realised what a problem I have!)

Regarding Jane, I know I have to leave her to make the decision about us. I cant push her anyway whatsoever. I have to heal me 1st, you're right.

I will have my eldest son Joe who is 22 staying with me as he has now decided that he won't move out but stay with his dad to help him. (that is soooo good to hear)

Now I am having guilt trips about Jane being the one on her own. She will have no-one with her from day to day. OMG what a mixture of emotions.

You're right Matt, it is like therapy writing in here. If yoo all get bored with it, I'm still going to write because it helps ME!!

Good man, your off to a great start.
But yes m8, 3ltrs a night is way to much and i can hear the denial creeping in. But you keep at it buddy, and do keep posting, i'd love to keep up with how your doing.

Kind regards

Matt

Hi Lsot
I have just read your first post, and now this one.
What a difference already. Well done. Keep it up, and if you feel you are in a quandry and do not know what to do. You know where to come.
No need to sit and worry, and we will not get bored.
best wishes
zara

Good work lsot. Keep it up mate, and post regular updates to let us all know how you're doing - good and bad

Why don't you make an appointment with a doctor anyway? He can assess the extent of your drinking way more thatn you can. If you get the all clear, great! At least you'll know for certain. If not you can move on to the next step with professional assistance. A minimum of 21 litres of 5% cider a week does sound excessive doesn't it?

Thanks Sun, yeah, if you put it like that (21 litrs a week) it sounds like WAAAAY too much. I am an ex salesman as well as an alcoholic so I divide things up to make them sound less than they are in reality. (£30 per month sounds a lot, but if you say less than the cost of a loaf of bread a day, it sounds much better)

Damn you guys are good!