Online Dating - She''s Way Out of My League!?!!

Palermo wrote:

She says she''s a cook. She''s said nothing about modelling. So maybe she''s a model masquerading as a cook!?!?! She asked about my family first then sent the photos.

Girls have made an effort with me in the past and I never pick up the signs until it''s too late so I don''t trust my gut instincts when it comes to women at all! I''ll proceed with caution.

She may well be a cook. And beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think its wrong to judge someone on their looks. In my exp, women that are very attractive have a tough time. They get chosen for their looks only. And thats judging someone. Which is wrong.

Dont think for one minute that if someone is attractive that they wont date you or want to know you. Thats judging yrself and thats also wrong. But I understand that you have no confidence. But if you have no self confidence is it right to date someone that is confident enough to send you pictures of herself? And so what she sends you pics of her family. Perhaps she wants you to get to know her and her family? If she sent pics of her kids for instance, that would send alarm signals.

I once met a lady that sent me pictures of herself in chunks. Most of it was just pink. And she thought it was fun that I should put it together like a collage. Me being the totally thick blokey type that I am didnt get this at all. It was wasted on me in other words. I was megga suspicious. But she was spot on. I was not. And we got on but I doubted everything about her. And it ruined our relationship cos I doubted her motives. She thought she was being clever and different. Trying to show me that she had a good imagination and it was supposed to be funny. Now of course I would understand. Back then, I didnt. And mostly cos I didnt have any confidence.

So I guess what I am trying to say to you is this. Dont judge. Dont think that cos someone is attractive that they wont be attracted to you. Looks are skin deep. Attractive people often have difficulties finding mates as good looks are a curse as most people wont touch them cos they think they are models or whatever or they have no chance, from Wales or have facial hair. People are whole beings. A mix of core values, looks, and so on. Not just a pretty face. See where this goes. Talk to her and try and see her for what she is. Just another person trying to get on in the world. If she is fake, she will show her hand pretty soon. She will ask for money or something like that. People like your ex are rare. Most people are honest and decent. Even good looking ones. C.

You can spend days/weeks/months talking/corresponding online, building an image of someone & having expectations - the imagination can be a powerful thing..Then you can meet and quite often the reality is nothing like you imagined..Hence the whole online dating thing can become very disheartening and disappointing.. Rather than invest too much time online with someone - if you like the look/sound of someone, arrange to meet sooner rather than later - then you will know one way or the other..

WhiteRose wrote:

I don''t think her sharing pics of herself is suspicious - she''s just sharing, some folk are very comfortable with that.

I don''t think you need to proceed with caution, just don''t get disappointed if/when you meet he''s a 6 foot trucker called Stuart who wears nappies at the weekend.

Seriously, the thing is - enjoy it. Don''t put her on a pedestal as an ideal. If/when you meet she''ll have flaws (we all do) and I know more than most, that some camera angles are more flattering than others, so she may be a little less ''model'' in the flesh - but so what? - worst case is she is Stuart and you get a ride home in an arctic

If she''s had bad experiences she may have low confidence or low self esteem. I have an utterly gorgeous friend who has been badly treated by guys in the past and she won''t hear of how attractive she is

My ex was exactly the same but the less said about that the better.

Go for it, chat and meet up - please keep us updated.

PS - no-one would kick Brad Pitt out of bed because he has a beard, there''s nowt wrong with a bit of facial hair!

Today''s e-mail was not generic! More photos of course. My eyes don''t deceive me and I was married to a beautiful woman so I''m not saying this lightly. If you''re ever seen Dee Bliss in neighbours that is who she looks like only prettier! Sky high cheekbones and deep blue eyes. I''ve seen her from most angles and in most light. She''s stone cold perfect!

All she does is talk about he family and the things that make her happy. She hasn''t mentioned anything materialistic of superficial. Nothing about which bands she likes, labels, places, restaurants, cafes etc, etc. There''s such warmth in her messages. It seems she opens up a bit more everyday. We only send one e-mail a day so I wouldn''t expect a date or phone number after 3 days.

I''m over analysing things again of course but looking back at the messages she waited for me to respond, to show more of myself before showing more of herself. I write close to a thousand words but she writes hundreds. That''s fine. I know now she is reading them closely!

I don''t think there''s any danger she is not who she says she is for the simple reason that she must get hundreds of messages a day, men far more handsome than I am! She wouldn''t be wasting her time if I had not made a connection, wrote something that touched her in some way.

We''ll meet next month. I''m having minor surgery next weekend so that puts the skids on seeing her for a few more weeks - not because I expect anything to happen physically but because I need to recover.

Marshy_ wrote:

She may well be a cook. And beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think its wrong to judge someone on their looks. In my exp, women that are very attractive have a tough time. They get chosen for their looks only. And thats judging someone. Which is wrong.

Dont think for one minute that if someone is attractive that they wont date you or want to know you. Thats judging yrself and thats also wrong. But I understand that you have no confidence. But if you have no self confidence is it right to date someone that is confident enough to send you pictures of herself? And so what she sends you pics of her family. Perhaps she wants you to get to know her and her family? If she sent pics of her kids for instance, that would send alarm signals.

No pics of kids (yet). I have kids and have told her so it would be hypocritical of me to think less of her because of that. If I fall in love with someone how can I not also love their children? It''s her blood that would run through their veins, they would be a part of her.

I once met a lady that sent me pictures of herself in chunks. Most of it was just pink. And she thought it was fun that I should put it together like a collage. Me being the totally thick blokey type that I am didnt get this at all. It was wasted on me in other words. I was megga suspicious. But she was spot on. I was not. And we got on but I doubted everything about her. And it ruined our relationship cos I doubted her motives. She thought she was being clever and different. Trying to show me that she had a good imagination and it was supposed to be funny. Now of course I would understand. Back then, I didnt. And mostly cos I didnt have any confidence.

That''s heartbreaking. I actually have tears in my eyes. So so sad. I see so much of myself in that.

So I guess what I am trying to say to you is this. Dont judge. Dont think that cos someone is attractive that they wont be attracted to you. Looks are skin deep. Attractive people often have difficulties finding mates as good looks are a curse as most people wont touch them cos they think they are models or whatever or they have no chance, from Wales or have facial hair. People are whole beings. A mix of core values, looks, and so on. Not just a pretty face. See where this goes. Talk to her and try and see her for what she is. Just another person trying to get on in the world. If she is fake, she will show her hand pretty soon. She will ask for money or something like that. People like your ex are rare. Most people are honest and decent. Even good looking ones. C.

Thank you.

Palermo,
Go for it albeit tentativily,you will not know unless you try,she could be someone who has also had her heart broken,who knows,all I know is we walk this way once only,and we all deserve what happiness we can get be that single or as a couple...
Your a braver person than I though,regarding the online dating,not for me that one.
Just give her the benefit of the doubt and best of luck.xx

Marshy,WALES?????

You asking for trouble:)

Massive cwtchs
Afon xx

afonleas crazy cat lady wrote:

Palermo,
Go for it albeit tentativily,you will not know unless you try,she could be someone who has also had her heart broken,who knows,all I know is we walk this way once only,and we all deserve what happiness we can get be that single or as a couple...
Your a braver person than I though,regarding the online dating,not for me that one.
Just give her the benefit of the doubt and best of luck.xx

Marshy,WALES?????

You asking for trouble:)

Massive cwtchs
Afon xx

Katherine Jenkins is Welsh and so is Charlotte Church:)

afonleas crazy cat lady wrote:

Just give her the benefit of the doubt and best of luck.xx

Marshy,WALES?????

You asking for trouble:)

Massive cwtchs
Afon xx

I agree. You will know soon enough if she is fake. They show their hand pretty quickly. And they wont meet you.

It costs nothing really to talk to anyone. And it passes the time nicely. I love that getting to know you phase. Exploring their life and what they did.

Wales? I love the place. Go there often. I was just trying to wake you lot up C.