Fallen in love again, need advice!!

It''s been a year since my husband and I split, I''ve dated but nothing serious, and certainly not worth introducing to my children. But now I''ve met someone I''ve fallen for, hard. My problem is I feel like I am living two lives - me, the woman who is excited about the new man and relationship and then Mummy, who puts her children''s needs first.

For example, my ex has had the weekend with the kids and I spent it with mr new. I''m now back home, cleaning and tidying in preparation for the week ahead, but dreading the kids coming back because I have to revert back to being mummy and I can''t be ''in love''. I really want to incorporate Mr N in my life, but it''s such early days, I don''t want to muck them about.....

Help!! How have other people coped?

How long has the new relationship been going on?

How adjusted are the children to the split from their father?

Really new relationship - one month. The kids are ...okay.....they have a stable and constant relationship with their dad, stbx and I are getting on just fine,l and overs are easy.

But I''m afraid that if I do anything for me, it''ll mess up the balance. And it''ll foul the waters for our collaborative agreement....

Personally I would leave it at least another 2 months before introducing him, then take it slowly.

Good luck x

I''ve always been told and heard you should really wait 6 months before introducing a new partner, although thats not set in stone. At mediation my ex was made to wait 6 months, and when he separated from his first wife he was told the same.

Take some time for you and your relationship. I dont know about you but i know when my daughter came along my relationship with my stbxh changed a lot as it became less about us and more about this little person. I''m quite looking forward to having a relationship thats more about me in the future, even if it is just for a short while.

Also, however much you are in love, you need to put your sensible mummy head on. At the moment its all new and shiny, that may not be the case in 4 or 5 months time by which point your children have met him and got used to him. You need to take the time to make sure its right and its going to work before you bring children into the equation. Your ex may not like any of it, but if you can show you have approached it all sensibly with the children in mind theres not much he can say about it.

Living two lives for the meantime isnt all too bad, enjoy the excitement and revel in something that is all about you!!

I would leave things a little longer, those rose tinted spectacles........

However, living two lives is not so bad, when you have your time with Mr N it will be very special and exciting and to be honest, if Mr N thinks a great deal of you, which he should if he is going to be part of your childrens lives, then he will understand and he will wait for the time to be right and he will enjoy the special and exciting times you have in the meantime.

Introducing him will rock the boat (how little or much no one knows) and you need to be sure that he is absolutely worth the time and effort needed to ensure your children are comfortable with him and for you to weather any problems with them or your ex.

Dont rush in but enjoy the time getting to know Mr N better, it can only mean that if it IS a lasting relationship it will be better and stronger in the long term.

You are all right, and it is very very good advice. Just goes completely against my nature and is agonising. BUT! If something is worth doing, it''s worth doing right. Still would love to hear what other people did....