finances destroying my relationship part 2!

thank you i know i have a keeper he is a wonderful man who just wants to look after his kids ultimately

I think your partner will do what he feels he wants/needs to do for his family.

What you need to do is the same.

Do spreadsheets!
When I first moved out I was paying the full mortgage (2200) + 750 for utilities... That was over almost 50% of my salary, and I still had to pay rent 1500 on my place, plus my bills, plus car loans, travel costs, and marital debt. I was going into the red each month but i was ''trying to do right'' thinking it would work to my advantage and she would see I wasnt trying to rip her off in the divorce.

Once I realised that she wasnt going to relent in her dream-list demands my partner showed me a very detailed list of my outgoings and hers- and how at the end of the month my ex still had 1200pm spending money and I was -700.

When you see it as factual as that it suddenly hits home just how bad it is.

You need to have the conversation- either that or you have to be willing to live the rest of your life as the after-thought.

we talk about nothing else
and yes it sounds like your situation was exactly the same.
i was hoping the solicitor would have said it was too much but he didnt
he knows our debts are mounting and he sees her having 2 holidays a year
we did a spreadsheet last week and need over £1k more a month if we want a christmas this yr

joolee48 wrote:

thank you i know i have a keeper he is a wonderful man who just wants to look after his kids ultimately

You cant save anyone whilst drowning yourself. C.

Under CSA rules if your partners children have now moved to further education ie uni, then payments can stop.

If he feels that he still would like to support them then what about paying them directly?

As others have said he really does need to start divorce proceedings otherwise this will drag on and on.

the advice yesterday was to get on with a Consent Order immediately and they are gathering info re his rights around inheritence before he can open up the discussion as it is complicated.