HOW did I become the enemy??

Hi, I think that is one of the hardest part of this separation for me, my STBX treats me like a tiresome nuisance who he really can''t be bothered with, I honestly believe that he just wants me to disappear so he can carry on living this wonderful shiny new life with no interruptions. I am obviously a reminder of everything that he wants to forget, ''mundane'' everyday life, unhappy etc etc...

Whereas once he would always put his family first and had our interests at heart, now he just puts himself and his happiness first. 2 months since he left and I still can''t quite believe that this is my husband who is saying these things and doing all these actions.

He has also started to lay the blame on me for him leaving the FH. More and more he is saying that it was all my fault that he left. He has gone from telling me he was unhappy for the last few months, to telling our Son he was unhappy for the last year, in our last e-mail exchange he told me he had been unhappy for 2 years! What next, the full 21 year relationship.

I can''t make sense of this stranger and I know I should really stop trying to do so. X

Hi LXB71,

The projection of blame, the blame game is so easy for the weaker of the party, the one who is ultimately in the wrong. Rather than face up to the cold hard facts that they themselves are imperfect or that their own lack of ability to be honest to their wives or husbands shows us just how weak they are.

I think most of us who have been duped and ''dumped'' for a shiny new life, would have preferred had they just had the balls to be honest from the outset. They are cowards who crossed the marital picket lines, if adultery is involved, they are liars if they think that butter would not melt. They are delusional if they think that they are faultless.

Do not be too hard on yourself, either of you elizadoolittle or LXB71, it is common practice for our partners to take the easy ride off into the sunset. The only thing is, one fine day they will fall off of their great big pedestals and we will not be there to catch them. Let''s hope that they hit that ground with a great big thud!

Take care for now FoS x

Even my parents turned against me ,
until,

the next door neighbour her friend ?
phoned them an told them what ex had been up to while we were together.

Take it my ex sleeping with her husband rattled her:cheer: .

Well neighbour never told me as my life disintegrated in front off me did she.

The projection of blame, the blame game is so easy for the weaker of the party, the one who is ultimately in the wrong. Rather than face up to the cold hard facts that they themselves are imperfect or that their own lack of ability to be honest to their wives or husbands shows us just how weak they are.

I couldn''t agree more. In my partners case his stbx blames him for absolutely everything and takes no responsibility herself for anything. She even said this in court as the reason for her stupidly low offer. The judge told her and her barrister to go away and think again.

In a way I think that it will take these sorts of people longer to move on in the end and could end up bitter, twisted and lonely further down the line .

LXB71 wrote:

I can''t make sense of this stranger and I know I should really stop trying to do so. X

If you wanted to get rid of your shed but had stored loads of things in there and there was no real reason to burn it down. It has a good roof. The wood is all good and it will last years and years. But you want to burn it. So how do you justify it to yourself?

You say that its no good. That the wood is rotten and the roof leaks and there is nothing in there that you need. What you are really doing is your fooling yourself and lying to yourself cos you want it gone.

This is what people do. They make up false justifications for doing something. To allow them to do it. It saves them having to suffer all the guilt. So take heart. When he concentrates on a subject like happiness and says he was unhappy. The truth was that he was proper happy. But he cant allow himself to admit that cos it makes him feel guilty.

What someone does or more importantly doesn''t do tells us a lot often. Words are just sounds. Actions are everything. C.

I like your analogy Marshy, I do take heart from your words, I think at the moment when everything is so raw and I feel as though I can''t rely on my own judgment I have started to question what I believed was a happy, loving, secure marriage and wondering if I have got it all completely wrong, that in fact it was this loveless, unhappy state that he keeps telling me it was.

I honestly believe that he was happy up until the last few months, my Son said that he never felt his father was unhappy, family and friends were all shocked at him leaving and all said he always seemed happy and content. I suppose of course that he could have hidden it well, but I never suspected anything amiss. Could he have carried on for years in such a state of deep unhappiness and kept it so well hidden?

With him constantly telling me of his unhappiness I have started to doubt my own memories and feelings but reading your comment has helped tremendously, thanks Marshy.

Hi,
my ex of 2 years now,,still to this day baffles me.
I have well mived on,engaged to a wonderful woman.i am happy and in love
My ex only a week agoin a text wrote.(problem with you is,you cant get over me.your bitter and jelouse)
She apperantly is happier than shes ever been.and loving her life.
This is my ex who spent25 years in a unhappy relatiinship.withme controlling her.
Its all a load of c###.
Truth is she was adorded never unhappy always content with our lives.
Now she is the bitter twisted one living in fantasy land.she wiped outour time together,and made it all look bad..i know dicfefent and so do our kids.
I did doubt things early on.but as time goes byei andothers reluse.its all about them.
Stay strong.and never doubt your pazt.it is wat you belive it to br