Feeling so confused with current relationship.....

I agree with Richie and Shoes.

You have both been married before,you have both been hurt before,maybe he just wants to take things slowly.

When we get hurt I think we become very wary,we have trust issues,and ultimately this will lead to commitment issues,so I think you should just go with the flow,enjoy what you have,if it''s meant to be it will..

Take the slow train and enjoy the scenery


Luv and cwtchs
Afon xx

Thanks Rich, that''s what I think and feel. Sometimes you just need someone to say you''re doing the right thing and this was one of those occasions. I will give him all the time and patience he needs but i will also have a time limit in my head. I don''t think it''s unrealistic of me to think like this.

Thanks Afon, I''m on the slow train, enjoying the scenery but also knowing where the buffers are.

I feel communication is the number 1 cause of marriage failure. Lack of it, lack of being able to express yourself, to have the other person hear what you say.

You''ve both been married and this time round you know what you want and what you don''t want. What you can put up with and what you can''t put up with.

You each need to meet each others needs rather than suppress them, if deep emotional discussions are what you need and he is incapable - then it doesn''t look good. However if deep emotional discussions are what you need now because of the insecurity brought on from your ex cheating on you - it''s something you need to deal with and fill that hole yourself rather than rely on him to do that for you.

Hope it all works out for you x

If his actions are telling you he loves you but he isn''t able to express the words. Does it really matter? However if he was expressing the feeling but not making you feel that way it would be an issue.

Don''t push him away due to your insecurities.

I''m trying not to, I''m trying not to show my insecurities to him and I am managing quite well but it''s hard 3

A relationship has to be authentic in the sense you feel comfortable expressing your feelings. Repressing and hiding how you feel causes exactly the type of communication difficulties that WR mentions in her post.

We can think we are doing a good job of hiding our true feelings. But the information "leaks" in other ways. Others can sense things aren''t quite right for example and pick up on things.

Don''t hide who you really are. You need to have deeper emotional conversations and he doesn''t clearly. It''s not a nice place to be when you are hiding aspects of who you are just to sustain a relationship. Do you believe that his needs are more important than yours? Is that why you are trying to repress these feelings?

I''m not sure wanting to know where you stand after 10 months is really a sure indication of insecurity. You feel how you feel and having shame attached to feelings does affect communication that is so essential in a successful partnership. Falling for someone when you are unsure of their feelings back towards you is terrifying if you have been hurt before.

Relationships particularly ones where both are looking to the possibility of the longer term need to grow and change, not stagnate. If it all still feels quite casual when you are looking for something different, again you need to be honest. Because you will be having the same conversation now or in a few years. People generally don''t change that much over time.

If people are in the right space emotionally expressing your feelings won''t push someone away. I personally believe you should both be honest about your feelings and work out a way forward together where both parties needs can be met. He needs to be honest about what he can give and what he can''t. You need to then decide whether you can live with that without getting eaten up inside with anxiety.

Some might be happy with casual dating after 10 months, you might not be and wanting a deeper connection after this time. There is nothing wrong with that. Just be honest about your needs and see if there is enough common ground between you to find a way forward.

I totally agree with white rose that this type of honest communication is essential. You might be scared of losing him with honesty but if he is into your relationship you won''t. The bigger risk I would say is leaving it all to fester, pretending your ok with things when you aren''t. That is a sure fire way for things to end at some point.

I wish you luck really I do.