Mediation....Contact Orders...???

If there''s a Contact Order in place which states what, and how, child access is to be but with no reference to me having to provide my annual leaves dates - where does this leave me if the ex is witholding access because I won''t disclose my holiday dates?

We have a CO so we have rules we abide by...

I feel that after 6 years I don''r need to provide her with my private details anymore. Our children are aged 15 and 12..my eldest could get married next year, yet she demands to know my holiday dates.

I''ve moved on and remarried, so I really don''t know what she''s trying.

She''s suggested mediation to sort this out, but I''ve no inclination to attend for 2 reasons:

1-It''s none of her business what I get up to anymore and,
2- There''s nothing written in the CO thats says i must..

Anyway, she''s withholding access until i give the information she demands...I understand I can take action, if I need to, but what would a mediator say in this case?

Do you have holiday contact. How in the past have you agreed to this contact.

What does your ex actually want to know? When your having the children or when all of your leave is?

My husband informs his ex when he is available to have the children but doesnt inform his ex when he is taking the rest of his leave as its none of her business.

withholding contact to enforce mediation isnt acceptable and you could go to court for enforcement as she is breaking the court order.

If you dont wish to enforce contact then maybe mediation would be a step forward.

I think it reasonable for you to give her the dates you would like to have the children but as MrsMaths has said what you do with the rest of your leave is your business alone.

Does your contact order have defined arrangements for holidays? If not it isn''t unreasonable for your ex to know your leave dates so she can plan her holidays around them. Alternatively is there any reason why you can''t negotiate the dates for your holidays well in advance?

Good contact for children relies on parents working together, or at least not against one another. Going to court tends to leave parents resentful and resistant so it should only be used as a last result. The courts expect parents to try to resolve matters themselves and use mediation. There is now a requirement in most cases that the applicant to court proceedings arranges a mediation Information & Assessment Meeting to find out about mediation and whether it is appropriate before a case is heard.

A mediator will try to find out both parents interests and find a way forward that can an work for everyone.

You could apply to court for enforcement but enforcement orders are made for the benefit of children rather than to punish parents. Being reasonable is an issue for judges and just because something isn''t written in a court order doesn''t mean it will be deemed unreasonable. If either party hasn''t adhered strictly to the terms of the order they haven''t complied. In many cases the court will vary the order and add conditions to make contact work better for children.

That may include reducing contact to reflect the reality of the situation if there is a pattern of regular contact not being taken up and/or defined holiday times with each parent having to let the other know about travel arrangements , where the children are staying overnight and handing over children''s passports at a specified time well in advance. The problem with that is the arrangements tend to be fixed so any flexibility is lost and your contact and holiday times with the children could be more restricted.

Is it not possible for you to give her the dates of when you are availble to have the children? This isn''t the same as giving her all your leave dates, or details of when you will be away on holiday.

Has she explained why she is asking for these dates? Perhaps she is looking to book some personal time and needs to hand in her holiday dates request at work months in advance.

You may have been divorced for a number of years and since remarried, but you still have to have some degree of cooperation with the mother of your children for the foreseeable future. How can anything ever be planned ahead when some of the vital information is missing?

Blimey, some people with common sense at last.


I have given my ex wife 5 periods over the year that she can plan her break what she wants to do.

The problem with her is she needs to know everything i get up to, or it seems that way.

Holidays in the past have been on an informal basis, take this year, i asked if I could take boys away for a week...she agreed, but now she''s decided she need to know all my leave dates she is now withdrawing that holiday. Selfish ??

We are talking about children who are old enough to make their own decisions if they want to see their Father...as I say my eldest could leave home next year for crying out loud.

At the end of the day, it should be a bit of give and take, but all she does is take, and not give if she doesn''t get her own way...she''s pathetic.

And I know she is following this thread, look forward to her contribution...but I will follow through with Court action if she denies me access..it''s about time Father''s like us should stand up for themselves.

FAO Fiona...if she can''t stick to a court order what chance is there she''d listen to a mediator. I''m not wasting my money, if she doesn''t get her own way she''ll do as she pleases. There''s nothing in CO to say I must give the holiday details..and I''v erun out of goodwill to her, not just for this but her whole attitude...I look forward to the day I don''t have to any contact with her at all..

Hopefully you ex will realise stopping contact isnt an appropriate way of trying to get you both to mediation and allow contact to continue.

if you cant communicate with your ex directly maybe mediation is the way forward. I dont think mediation or a court would insist your ex has a right to know when your leave is providing it doesnt interfer with your contact.

To get around a similar issue my husband and his ex agreed that normal contact pattern only ran term times and that during school holidays contact would be agreed each September. The ex still doesnt like the fact that sometimes he has leave without the children but thats just tough. They are divorced and he doesnt have to have her permission to have a life.