Comminucation

Can someone please advise how to try and deal with Absolute zero communication from a parent with care. We are over 5 years post separation and divorce, both remarried, with three children between us, my husband was told to put all requests in writing.. we did.. no reply.. no response to anything, invites for the children are ignored, activity trips ignored, family parties ignored, anything and everything ignored, we''re not told about anything and find out inadvertently by accident, after the event or as the kids get older they tell us, party invites handed to us via kids so last minute that we have to rearrange our plans or kids miss party and we look bad. My tether is well and truly broken. Though from reading several threads on here I suppose we should be grateful that we actually see the children.

Welcome to wiki. How old are children? Is there a reason for the lack of communication?

Just seems to be a way of control, kids are 15, 11 and 7.

15 yr old sees what''s happening and tries to stay out of being asked to be messenger so it falls to 11yr old (by mother not us). It''s like this side of the kids family are not considered important. But that aside. There is no talking about anything, schools, illnesses, etc we do not get 1 second more than the court order so kids miss out. Can''t go away with kids coz she won''t agree a 2 HR delay in handover to allow for flights. It''s draining. We''ve missed concerts and important competitions coz were just not told about them. Kids are loyal to mum and opt for easy life coz they know we won''t give them grief for not telling us. Do we stop trying to include kids in our life and just stop asking. What are our options.

Unfortunately the only way to possible get a holiday together is by going back to court for a variation.

Does she blame her ex for the break up and so feels ''forced'' to share the children and therefore is very resentful?

There is very much a blame factor. She sees that the whole breakdown of the marriage was his fault and he is responsible for everything that goes wrong. Ironically however she left him for someone else.

There have been periods of limited communication between my son and his ex. wife and overall I think this has been beneficial to the children. However, there is now no communication at all. Nothing specific happened as far as I am aware, just a request re. CSA to come to a private arrangement and an enquiry as to when his ex. would attempt to remove his name from that mortgage now she has re-married. This was enough to end all communication. I feel for the boys as they have been told not to talk about anything that happens when they are with their mum, not even trivial things. It''s like the boys have two separate lives. However, his ex. has decided she wants my son out of her life and now picks up and drops off the children at my house.

Its guilt, every time she has to communicate with her ex, she has to face the consequences of her actions. She is hoping out of sight out of mind!

Unfortunately taking it to court will probably make it worse rather than better.

If the children are aware of the situation, they wont be blaming dad for not being there for them.

All you can do is make sure the time you do spend with them is good and shows them how a good relationship works.