should his lifestyle be downgraded to support kids

to be fair to Lou, Pete, she's not asking her ex for money for herself - just for the 2 children he already had before embarking on a new relationship

I don't know how a parent could turn their back on their children, my ex did it to our two - he even demanded that I pay for their fares to visit him and for their food while they were with him - this from a bloke who wasn't even paying child support...

I would be ashamed if I'd behaved that way

and, yes, Lou - he should downgrade his lifestyle if that's what it takes. It would be different if he hadn't got the money - he clearly has



edit: sorry, did my usual thing of reading the first page and then not realising there are pages after that - my post was in reply to Pete in #198887

i can see you point but in my case it's the father that stopped the contact by not arriving for the children on the day he was suppose to collect them when they were sitting waiting at the collection point. How many times am I suppose to get them to ring him and sit and wait for a few weekends.

It is upsetting for them but all I can tell them and reassure them is that it's nothing that I have done as we were there waiting for him and they had tried to ring them.

It's only time that they will realise whats going on.

With regards the CSA I was told if you shout loud enough you get herd so ring them every week or two to get a follow up and be firm with them.

My £49K is from maintenance as well as I'm in the same situation that he has fraudulantly give incorrect details of income.

Just keep fighting and keep your chins up ladies.

Apparently the CSA don't have the rights or authourity to do surveillance on the non resident parent but are trying to get it. I found that out after I had done 7 days of videoing my ex working and buying materials.

I think I might start a Petition and send it to the new Prime Minister to get it moving a bit quicker as it's going to be over 6 months before they even look at it.

Sorry if this causes offence- but fundamentally each individual who has children is responsible for their financial support separately. Many of us are parents and have to bring up children without going to the tax payer for handouts or moaning back to the childs other parents all the time saying they owe me a living. My children, my responsibility. If other partner helps out then all well and good. If you need more money then try for a better job. If you cant work for soem reason then fair enough - the state should support your unit.

At the end of the day you cant make soemeone be a good parent if they dont want to be. Wish it was different but its just life.


Rich

I don't agree with that at all. It's not well you've got them now give them what they want and need and I'll do the same when I've got them.

They are human beings and need supporting.

I had a good job working for my ex but lost that when we split up. Is that my fault I don't think so.

I lost my other job due to my ex.

I'm not on benefits but really should be as I believe the other parent should pay half for the children's up bringing, they made half of them as well.
I worked around my children and feel I should give my last one the same as the others so I am not returning to work until september.

Fair dues if they don't want anything to do with the children it's their loss not ours I've found my children are happier without seeing their dad. I don't believe that just cause they don't see them they don't need to support them.

I've got enough money to support myself and keep myself going but it's all the other things that add to it when having children.

I think you need to look outside the box at the bigger picture, it's not just black and white.

Mum 4 I also worked for my ex's company and when he left us he literally pulled the rug and I lost everything (he even took my car which in theory belonged to his business and he gave it to his gf with no thought of how I'd get the kids to school / docs etc)...he now chooses only to see the kids every 3rd weekend and he very rarely phones them inbetween visits...he makes me sick...I work full time...I look after my 5 kids to the best of my ability but what hurts is like this morning my 6 y/o daughter and me were watching the news (about volcano) and she said "I've never been on an aeroplane Mummy but XXX (ex's kid with his gf) is only 1 and he's been on about 10 aeroplanes...when can I go on one?"....and I thought "ASAP babe coz I'm going to book a cheapo holiday"...surely Mr Big Bucks should treat all his kids the same? Not just the one he lives with full time (at the moment til he gets sick of it)...I couldnt dream of going on holiday with 1 of my kids and leaving the others behind.
Lou x

Hi mum4


Thats not what i am saying at all

You are absolutely right- both paretns SHOULD be supporting them - but in many cases this isnt happening

You lost your job because of you ex- you are right not your fault. My point is about what happens in the future not the past. No magic fairy is going to put these things right.

I also agree with you that just because a parent doesnt see them that they shouldnt support them.

My point its that efforts would be far better targetted around trying to achieve independent financial stability then the poster can properly move on rather than comparing and contrasting.

I am fully aware of the cost of bringing up kids with only one income as thats what i do. I am also fully aware of how difficult it is. But if i want more resources to try to get better life for my kids then the best way (if possible)is to try to get better job

The situation is not the posters fault, but moving it on is here responsibility. Yeah its not fair and we all wish it different but it sounds like it isnt. If mum is able to get herself fully on her feet fiancially then she hasnt got the other parents issues/lies/blags dragging her down into this all the time


Rich

Rich,
I already work full time with 5 kids..now unless I can break the 30K mark then I will never been better off as thats what tax credits cap my income to.
..and I'm unskilled...I cant earn that much unless I took 3 jobs and worked 24/7..I do my best.
Lou x