Payments over and above the csa

I have always paid my child maintenance which was originally £250 a month, decided originally between the mother and myself as we only have one child who is now 4 1/2 years old. She lives with her mother apart from every other weekend friday night to monday morning and every tuesday night. I was struggling to pay the 250 a month so i went i asked her if i could come to some arrangement to drop the payments....she went mad saying our daughter would be missing out and getting less. Guilt trip. I had to go to the CSA for advice and they calculated i only needed to pay around 197 a month. so we ended up arranging this and all was good until today when the mother now wants me to pay half for all trips and clubs.
How has anyone else tackled this, i have told her that the csa payments are for all of this and the CSA advised me i shouldn't need to pay anymore. She has gone mad and threatened she is going to get her solicitor involved
Help please.

You shouldn't have to pay more than 15% of your income for one child minus a deduction for the nights she spends with you.

Whilst it is nice for children to attend various clubs and go on trips, it is not essential. I personally feel it does a child no harm at all to go without sometimes and I have three of them so know what I am talking about!

Having said that, if you or your ex feel your child is missing out on say a school trip it is often possible to talk to the school and come to some arrangement. Payments for school trips are legally voluntary contributions only and schools have to make arrangements to ensure they do not discriminate against those who cannot afford to pay.

Another point I would make is that the courts do not have any jurisdiction over child maintenance that is dealt with by the CSA. If your ex felt that you were not paying enough money she has recourse to them to make you pay but if you are already paying the CSA rate then there is little that she can actually do.

Thankyou so much for your really quick response.
Its really difficult as she gets soooooo angry if i don't do exactly what she wants and then uses emotional blackmail to say its all my fault that my daughter is not doing the activities.
I have her quite a lot of the time and always take her on holiday etc. its just annoying that she reacts like this and is now seeking a solicitor for more demands.

uksponger wrote:

I have always paid my child maintenance which was originally £250 a month, decided originally between the mother and myself as we only have one child who is now 4 1/2 years old. She lives with her mother apart from every other weekend friday night to monday morning and every tuesday night. I was struggling to pay the 250 a month so i went i asked her if i could come to some arrangement to drop the payments....she went mad saying our daughter would be missing out and getting less. Guilt trip. I had to go to the CSA for advice and they calculated i only needed to pay around 197 a month. so we ended up arranging this and all was good until today when the mother now wants me to pay half for all trips and clubs.
How has anyone else tackled this, i have told her that the csa payments are for all of this and the CSA advised me i shouldn't need to pay anymore. She has gone mad and threatened she is going to get her solicitor involved
Help please.

Shes being a typical money grabbing ex. She can get her solicitor involved nothing they can do you are playing ball.

So let her. And claim it back if she costs you anything.

Many thanks Drsox for the re-asurrance.

Unfortunately you have to try and rise above the emotional blackmail I am afraid.

Nothing hurts more than hearing your child will suffer, especially if you are made to feel that you are the one causing the suffering.

As I said children do not NEED karate or ballet clubs - nice but not essential. And as for school trips, if she is really likely to miss out then the school are obligated to provide some sort of financial assistance so that discrimination does not take place.

Again don't be taken in by threats of a solictor regarding child maintenance. The CSA has jurisdiction here not the court/solicitor. As long as you are paying what you should be (and they have a calculator on their website so it is pretty easy to check!!) then you have no problem.

As you say, you treat your daughter anyway so she is hardly deprived!! Just don't let your ex get to you - I have found that corresponding only by email/text works wonders and don't ever reply to non-factual correspondence. I still pass the time of day with my ex when he picks up or drops of the children but it has stopped the abuse I used to receive!!

You just have to rise above it!!

Thanks its so nice to hear it from people who have been through it and having the knowledge so your prepared for whatever she decides to do.
She is all fine when it comes to getting what she wants, then if she doesn't she goes mad and all unreasonable. ha ha totally crazy really and she can never remain calm.