To claim or not to claim... Any thoughts

Hi Folks,

Long story short - Relationship went very wrong in 2003. Shortly after we found out my ex was pregnant, our son was born in May 2004.

We have lived apart completely since shortly after his birth, although nothing was ruled upon she initally had residence with myself having regular contact.

Following growing concerns for his welfare and finally, with full backing from her family I was able to secure a residence order for him to live with me in July 2010 following an extensive court case (Psych reports, CAFCASS, Social Services the works).

I am fortunate enough not to be dependent on any payment from his mother to support my son. I am in a new relationship (since 2006) with a brother to my eldest being born in late 2007.

Currently my eldests mother provides no financial support or assistance for his upbringing at all, although she does maintain some contact with him. Whilst I have no interest in having her money I do feel prehaps it would be a good thing to have placed in a bank account for my son when he is older.

My question is do you think it is worth pursuing her via the CSA for contributions which I can then put to one side for him for the future or to just leave well alone as a volentary arrangement will not be possible.

I understand this is a very subjective and sensitive subject, but would appreciate any views people have.

Many Thanks

Dave

Hi Dave,

I do think nrp mums or dads should financially contribute to their children.

If I were you I'd ask if she has already started a bank account for your son, if so how much per month is being put in.

If not, there are no other reasons why she can't contribute in some way - even if she were on benefits, £5.00 pw or pm would be a start to a savings account.

Talk to her first ......... it may be a good idea to say something along the lines of: "I'm thinking of opening a savings account for son, the money will grow quicker if we both contribute, I'm thinking of putting in £25.00 per month, how much do you think you could afford to put in?" put this way its less accusatory and she may be more likely to go along with it.

Otherwise if she refuses to talk to you or you are unable to amicably do anything, contact the CSA.

Good luck & let us know how it goes!

WR x

This is principle v pragmatism isn't it? In principle yes, she should contribute. In practice it may make things worse in the short term.

I don't think I'm happy with WR's suggestion because it seems that that woudl lead to a distinction between the two children - one with a piggy bank from his mum and one not. I'd want to see them both being treated equally.

I agree Pixy, you wouldn't treat 2 children in the same home with the same Dad differently - there hopefully would be a savings account for the other child set up too (with the amount inputted equating to the same )

Also I'm aware that if this were a Mum wanting CM from a Dad - everyone would jump on it and yell - 'Go to the CSA!' why is it different

This is principle v pragmatism isn't it? In principle yes, she should contribute. In practice it may make things worse in the short term.

being a Dad wanting CM from Mum?

The ideal situation would be the Mum wants to contribute herself (no matter how small) voluntarily - Although my suggestion has flaws - its going down the non-confrontational approach, which hopefully would avoid any short term problems.

WR

As the mother seems to have mental health issues ,

Why put more pressure on her ?

if she cant cope why push her,

youve got the kid so why you wanting blood out the mother ,

leave it alone .

An think youreself lucky youre not going /been through the grieff ive had.

Nocash, just want to check if the OP was female and the NRP was male - would your answer be the same?

WR

x6 - Hope its ok if I add my comments.

Another way to go might be to ask for 'support' rather than money. Perhaps say you'd like her to spend regular time with the kids, let you know how she thinks things are going that she ought to share some of the decision making. I know it sounds ridiculouse, but perhaps if she felt important and valued it would help her and also stabilise the situation a little?