To claim or not to claim... Any thoughts

nocash wrote:

you seem to have money on youre mind dear ?

being seperated from a child is suffering,


haveing your way of life as you know it destroyed by someones ego is suffering,

an having an ex pour salt on the wounds any way he/she can is suffering.


its not about MONEY.

if it was just about money when it came to break ups wouldnt life be better.

Nocash: Please note the OP posted about child maintenance - this is 'money'; financial payment from one parent (NRP) to the other (PWC) to support their child(ren) - of course my responses here revolve around money - its relevant to the post. This whole thread is about CM.

If you wish to vent your own views on the other aspects of divorce, please feel free to create your own thread.

Otherwise I think its respectful to the OP to stick to their subject matter - In this case CM.

WR

Thank you for your input White Rose, it is greatly appreciated.

I knew when I asked the question it was likely to throw up some contrasting views.

I am not looking to rub salt in the wounds, bankrupt anyone or cause additional ill feeling, I would just like to provide as much support as posible for my son now and in the future.

Nocash - You are correct, this thread is totally about money and a question behind the whole issue of who should pay and when I am afriad. There have been other issues I have also addressed on this case in other threads in relevent forums within this site. As this was the area for CM questions I felt it a fair location to raise a monetary based query.

As an update to this I did speak again to my son's mother concerning the matter and was met with disinterest to say the least. The opinion expressed was that as he has visting contact with her every other weekend and she is responsible for travel in both Directions (about 45 miles) that she feels there is no need for futher contribution. I explained my view of things and was told that basically I was wrong and if the CSA were involved they would not see any earnings from her side above the bare minimum. From this she had already calculated the award would not be above £5 a week so said why bother? :-s

From here I have said that given that is a likely outcome should that route be taken would she voletarily contribute £5 a week for our son. This query was ignored and as yet has not been commented on.

I will keep you posted as I decide what to do moving forward.

Many Thanks

Dave

Good Afternoon Folks,

It has been a while since I updated on here so thought I would bring you all up to speed on the siutation...

Shortly after my last post the CSA actually contacted me. I had been recorded in their records as needing a follow up review after the conclusion of the residence court case. This was to allow the existing case concerning my payments to my ex to be updated. These payments were suspended when my son left her care pre the court case.

I explained to the CSA the court case ruling and that I now have residence.

The ex was then contacted by the CSA to inform her the old case was now closed. (With me now having residency there was no further need for me to make payment to her).

She then requested that they assess her as I had "made unreasonable demands that she contribute towards our son."

Still slightly incredulous I confirmed I was happy for things to go through the CSA if that was what she wanted.

As previously mentioned I had suggested she may want to contribute £5 a week for him.

This is where it got somewhat interesting...

Following the CSA assessment the payment amount came back as £39.43 a week based on her declared earnings.

Since this time she has not made any payment via the CSA despite her intiial insistance they handle it and their continuing requests.

In addition she has taken to transferring small amounts to me directly on at irregular intervals. These are direct in to my current account, she already had the details from the past. These payments are marked by her/the sending bank as Child Support Payments when they arrive.

Having queried this with her I was informed that the CSA must have an exact total of the outstanding amount to begin court action. If that amount changes each week/month they can not start legal action to reclaim the outstanding amount.

To be honest I am totally bemused by the current turn of events.

So far the end result is that since July I have had about £100 in random payments for my son. These are all recorded by me and the CSA is informed each month on what I have recieved by written declareation as their request.

My understanding is that there is an arrears bill in excess of £650 (and growing). She is claiming she has provided the CSA with information showing she should only pay £5 a month and this is all going to be retracted shortly, the CSA are telling me this is untrue and their ruling stands.

As she is self employed and does not have a bank account in her name it seems to just go around in cicles!

From my side I am pleased she is contributing a little towards our son, although I am not sure her motives are for his benefit!

I am not really looking for advice on what to do next, I intend to leave well alone and let her sort out her own mess, but any views or experience would be as always greatly appreciated!

Cheers

Dave

Hi Dave & thanks for the update!

It always surprises me when one parent will not (not can not) financially support their child properly! Even as it your ex's idea for the CSA assessment!

But I love your attitude - stay calm and enjoy your time with your lad.

I'm sure things will sort themselves out over time and you - you have the best gift of all

What are your plans for Christmas?

Have a good one - take care

WR x

Hi Again!

Christmas is all sorted, although my eldest will not be with us for Christmas day as he is spending it at his mums (her turn this year). Still I am looking forward to him coming back on Boxing Day (as is his brother) and a really good time will be had by all!

His mum is still avoiding the CSA who are now actively trying to take her to court. She is still making payments to alter the outstanding amount on a regular basis so we will see what comes of it all...

The only other slight developpment is that with their ever growing interest in sports both boys have now started Karate. I approached ex about helping out with costs for one club for eldest (he was already doing Streetdance, Football and Multisports clubs). Club costs for any of the 3 clubs he already attended is £12.50 for a half term. Karate is £17.50 a month. She has of course refused as she "can't afford it" and said it was unfair of me to ask.

And so we carry on... Anhow, a very happy Christmas to you all and an excellent 2012!

Cheers

Dave

Hi Dave,

Thanks for the update - most of it good news!

Have a great Christmas break & hope 2012 is a good yea for you all.

WR x

I am glad - although entirely bemused at how - the CSA got involved. The question of child support is not for you but for your child. I saw a father on Judge Judy. He too had a residence order. She asked him if the mother paid child support. He said no. She asked why. He said he was so happy to have 'won' residence, he didn't want to rock the boat any further. She said that the child support was not for him, but for the benefit of the children and was their right. Even £5 a week is a karate club etc - I am glad it is working out for you.