Hi Folks, I only found this site tonight, after an excrutiatingly painful visit to my sol.
I have the experience of having been on both sides of CSA payments as well being taken for a cosiderably long ride for 4 years by my ex.
We split in 2003, and tried our best to have an amicable divorce. My daughter resided with me, and my ex and I tried to work contact on a 50/50 basis although in real terms it was more 67/33 with myself being the main carer. During this time, I had no idea that I could claim maintenance as I thought because we both worked we both had to pay independently for our child who at the time was 3. My ex only paid a £100 per month to ward the childminding bill, which at the time was extremely expensive as he kept changing his days off through the week, meaning I had to pay more for her time a the childminder.
I thought that because I recieved the family allowance then it was my responsibility to provide all of my daughters clothing, and so used to purchase outfits for 2 homes, this included school uniform when my daughter started school, as although my ex would work through the day, he would maintain collecting my daughter from the childminder through the week.
Things turned really nasty in 2007, after my ex remarried. Up until the point my ex remarried (July 2007) my ex had only had my daughter 20% of the time, his excuses being preparing for the wedding, etc. He still only paid a £100.
He advised me in August after his wedding that he would be making no further contributions, which I foolishly accepted! In the following September I had to go away with work during the week, a very rare occurence, but one which had happened before with no problems. My nights away were Wed/Thu my ex would normally have contact on Tue/Wed. When I made arequest to change, he point blank refused, saying I would have to either not go, and use being a single mother as an excuse, or get someone else to look after my daughter.
Thankfully I had a good childminder and she offered to take my daughter over night at an extra cost of £25 per night, plus normal daily costs. Again thankfully my daughter was quite happy to stay with the childminder.
Upon speaking to a few different people, I was advised that this was not right, and that I shouldn't be paying for everything when he was now not contributing anything.
I contacted a solictor who advised CSA, I refrained from going down this road first, and advised sol to contact ex requesting that £100 per month be reinstated.
He refused, and I then spoke to the CSA, I was awarded £225 per month, but only from the date I contacted them. Bigf shock to my ex, and I continued to provide all her clothing for both houses, as well as school meals, and all of my daughters extra curricular activities.
When I ex realsied how much it was going to cost him, a lengthy court battle ensued. My ex was so determined not to pay any more than he had to, that he initiated proceeding for residence. Then he spent 6 months telling my daughter how bad and nasty I was to the point she no longer wanted to reside with me. My daughter even told me she hated me. It was so hard to see how she looked at me with hatred in her eyes, that in the end I withdrew my defences to residency. That was Septemeber 2008.
The first thing he did was too demand all her clothing including the school uniform that I had just purchased for £150. Then he demanded her riding stuff.....another £150 (back support & hat). Then less than 24 hours after the court hearing the CSA contacted me. I contacted the child benefit myself, and even though it was agreed that I should keep 8 weeks of the payments as they were paid in arrears and to cover the cost of the school uniform, when it came to it he refused this.
I now pay him £200 per month, but this isn't enough for him, and he is now wanting to reduce my contact in such a way that it will cost me another £45 per month.
I discussed with him supplying clothing, etc and he refused. I spoke to the CSA direct and they advised that the RP if they are in full receipt of calculated maintenance through the CSA, and Family Allowance, then it is the RP responsibility to provide all clothing etc.
My ex refuses to do this, and so I have provided my daughter with everything she requires for when she is with me. I'm not happy about it, but what else can you do when there is no one to enforce how the money is spent. My daughter turns up with old cloths, that are ill fitting, and soles coming off of shoes and trainers. A lot of the time her clothes are dirty and unwashed. It breaks my heart to see this, and I've noticed over the last 6 months that whilst she goes back to dad with the old tatty clothes on, I get left with her underwear that is falling apart. I've even provided her with underwear to take home.
The I look at CM is this both parent have overheads with regards to running a house, paying rent/mortgages, bills etc. so that should not come into it, especially if both parents are working. The CSA have calculated what you pay against no. nights child is with you. If you take what you pay, and imagine that RP paid the exact same amount to wards the childs care, ie in my case my £200 + ex £200, then add on what RP receives in Child Benefit, 1 child = £80 every 4 weeks, therefore all added together totals £480 per month, is that enough to cloth and feed your child, as well as other expenses like childcare, activities etc. Then you shouldn't feel obliged or be bullied into paying anymore.
The CSA system needs to be reviewed. If the NRP gets a bonus or payrise, CSA payments are increased, with no thought for the other parents contributions. I too think that certainly money we hand over should be accounted for, and that a limit should be set to maximum reasonable amount that it actually costs to cloth and feed a child bearing mind they get child benefit for this too.
These are only my views based on my experience.
Kaz
