Child Support and Extras

Hi, I'm looking for some advice and clarity on what i'm expected to payout to my ex on top of the CSA payments i currently make.

We are recently seperated and going through a divorce. We have two young children (2 & 4 yrs old) who live with their mum and i have them both for 3 nights a week.

I am currently paying 20% of my take home pay less 3/7th's for the nights i have them and 50% of any nursery fees and afterschool clubs (as we both work fulltime).

My ex has started asking for extra contributions for things with the latest being for school uniforms and school meals for my eldest who starts school next year.

My understanding is that the CSA payments i make to her are to cover my contribution to provide for the childrens requirements and that she needs to budget for these things in with her own wage and child benefits?

Any additional contributions or purchases i want to make for or on behalf of the children are at my discresion?

Thanks for any help or advice in advance.

That's more or less right. Your only obligation is to pay CM at the prescribed rate. However, your ex isn't responsible for providing food, clothing or childcare in "your" time.

On the other hand, you do have quite a big reduction in child support payments for the time they spend with you. So maybe you should contribute towards things like school uniforms and school meals in proportion. As Fiona says, she's not responsible for things like meals when they are with you, but school dinners are paid weekly so unless you contribute she is paying for meals in your time.

best wishes,
Sadie

Thanks for your replys.

Is there anywhere that sets out how child maintenance actually works? It seems as though i could end up paying twice for things as i seem to be providing everything for the children while the are with me that their mum does when they are with her, yet i pay out a CSA payment and i'm not sure what it actually covers or where i draw the line and say no.

My ex has the kids for 4 days a month more than me and i struggle to understand where the CSA payment is being used as the kids have simular requirements when they are with both of us yet if anything comes up i am asked for more money.

Financially, my ex has a larger income than me and with the CSA payment and child benefit she has a considerably greater disposable income after household bills than myself (not to mention having the third party in our marital breakdown who is now living full time in the family house and who i expect must me making some household contributions).

I don't want to come across as not willing to provide for my children as they are priceless to me, but i also dont want to be funding my ex's lifestyle when i am struggling to build a new life for myself and provide the best i can for the kids when they are with me.

Thanks (sorry if i have ranted on)

shared care and finances are very difficult - I am not sure there is a right or wrong answer. You probably need to leave the new partner out of it (although I appreciate how frustrating and unfair it can feel, believe me) - it's not his responsibility to contribute to the costs of your children, although at some level, he probably will.

If she has a new partner living with her, it is likely that her Tax Credits are lower than you imagine and/or have been removed altogether. Do your children require childcare at all? Again, with a new partner in tow, she may not receive any Working Families Tax Credit towards the cost so is fronting the whole of that cost (although I note you're paying half....you may want to consider adjusting that to when they're on 'your' time?). Extras add up. If you can't afford them, you will need to stand your ground. It is not unreasonable that children have to learn to go without, just as their parents do when separation and divorce occurs. Packed lunches are cheaper than school dinners (you could send them with a packed lunch on your days, reducing her school lunch bill, for example) and if they are involved in lots of activities, cutting back on just one each might make a difference. I know it's unfair, but it's also life and is a valuable life lesson.

I am a great believer in making sure that the children don't go without and in trying to come to amicable arrangements. I am also aware that some of us get trampled all over when it comes to trying to do the 'right' thing. The trick is going to be finding the middle ground and sticking with it.

It sounds like you're already providing what you ought to be, plus a little more in the way of nursery costs (I note this has not been split in proportion to your contact but as a direct split down the middle).
You're clearly wanting to do the right thing by your children but that doesn't mean you should get taken for a ride. Perhaps you could suggest to your ex that if she's prepared to give you a proportional split of the child benefit and any tax credits (which are provided to help with costs of childcare etc.), then you'll consider her requests for extra cash

sexysadie wrote:

On the other hand, you do have quite a big reduction in child support payments for the time they spend with you. So maybe you should contribute towards things like school uniforms and school meals in proportion. As Fiona says, she's not responsible for things like meals when they are with you, but school dinners are paid weekly so unless you contribute she is paying for meals in your time.

best wishes,
Sadie

This is where using the CSA leads to animosity. Yes its right that there is a big reduction if NRP is having the children 3/7 nights but they are paying money to the PWC for the 4 nights they have them. How much does the PWC pay the NRP for the 3 nights they have them? That would be nothing! This is true even if the PWC earns far more than the NRP so it isn't just a balancing of incomes.

If children are at school it isn't "NRP time" so surely school meals should come out of CSA money?

If you can avoid using the CSA and come to your own private agreement then do it.