University Fees

I couldn''t agree with you more silly woman. None of our children asked for their parents to get divorced.

Today I am helping my 3rd of 4 daughters look at Universities and plan open days. She has been working hard at College and is very excited about applying to Uni to continue her studies. It is a shame that although her Father will be paying maintenance he cannot share in her excitement.

Hear hear! whether that child has a good relationship with that parent or not they should WANT to help! honestly my friend who doesnt get to see his son (Basically cos she dissapeared) put money into a trust fund for that baby each and every month so when that baby grows up and finds out whats happened, at least the support is right there for him when he needs it

What a lovely man. He obviously has strong values and is to be admired.

I''ll attempt to get this thread back on track.

The way I read this isn''t that the OP does not want to pay or help his daughter at Uni, its that he was not involved or consulted in the Uni decision making process.

He expected his CM payments to reduce and because he wasn''t told of the Uni plans, he made financial commitments according to what he could afford (factoring in these deduction).

I agree both parents should ''want'' to help their kids past the magical ''18'' age, but surely the RPs here can see that its a little unreasonable to expect someone to contribute to something they didn''t know anything about. Whether kids speak to their parents or not, courtesy surely is required to inform the NRP what their intentions are and this way the NRP is able to budget accordingly.

Where i used to work there was a phrase: Managing Expectations - I think this can be applied here, many communication breakdowns and misunderstandings can lead to anger and retribution simply because expectations were not managed.

Personally I think that Mum & daughter are not without blame here - not that this is a blame-game exercise, its an example of what happens when communication breaks down.

Advanced warning or notification would''ve been a decent thing to do and may have avoided this situation.

Hi Whiterose,

I agree with you to some extent - in that it would have been curteous for the daughter/mum to involve dad in future plans without the need to go to Court.

But - the OP must have had an incling that the daughter was bright and therefore likely to go to Uni - surely he should have had a contingency plan or at least discussed the subject with mum before now.

My Ex has already been told (by solicitors) that if he decides he doesnt want to contribute to child''s Uni fees then child has the right to take him to Court (at 18) - and that is a while off yet - so I am wondering why the OP wasnt warned of the same.

We dont know why the daughter doesnt have contact with dad and there could be good reason (from her point of view) - but should that abdicate dad from contributing to her education? By contributing the OP might help towards repairing their relationship in some way and that has to be a positive out of all this. I personally would encourage dad to write to the daughter and ask her to meet to discuss the issues - hopefully they could come to some sort of agreement where dad doesnt feel he is being used and the daughter might get to see dad from a different perspective.

Carer

My uni girls get not a penny farthing from their dad. He can well afford it but chooses not to pay/see them.

I am so so proud of the girls - they have nothing to say thank you to him for and all I can see in the future is their father in a nursing home sobbing his heart out with regret, but we all have choices and he has his.

Hi
The CSA payment is something between you and your ex, its been reduced so the letter from her solicitor demanding money is not going to float, after all I assume its the CSA who have made the reduction not you directly.
The support at uni is between your daughter and you, she could take you to court for this or you could agree a sum to pay to her directly.

LB