University Fees

spooky wrote:

If you and your ex wife had stayed together I presume the expectation would be that you would have both supported both your daughters through university education.

In fairness to the original poster everyones circumstances are different.

A lot of people who can afford to support their children through university choose not to as they feel financial independence and responsibility is part of the learning process.

A lot of people who can''t really afford it choose to pay.

To have that choice taken away and be ordered to financially support another adult who chooses to have nothing to do with you is another matter.

She may in the eyes of the law be an adult but in respect we as a forum do not know why she is estranged from her Father.

Those of us who are parents also know that eighteen year olds are still children in so many ways especially in there emotional response to their parents divorce and new relationships.

Teenagers are very opinionated but inexperienced.

I assume that she has gone to university this year. Students are very worried about the astronomical tuition fees.

This should be a happy time for her, leaving home for the first time and all the excitement but apprehension that involves.

Maybe Father and Daughter could use this opportunity to rekindle their relationship even if he could only afford a small amount of support.

I really fear that if this ends in court it would drive them even further apart.

I always thought you loved your children unconditionally, but that is just me. I hav had some awful times with kids since dad left, but they know I love and support them and that they are more important to me than anyone else could ever be. They both have realised this now. Soooky is right this could estrange them even further.

He says in his post he hasnt seen her in 2 years (her choice not his).

My comments are based on his brief statement.

Unconditional love does not mean continued financial giving, especially when it is through force.

I cant imagine the hurt HE must feel knowing his own daughter would take him to court.

The fees are high now but they are not un-managable. Student loads mean students can repay over the years and dont have to pay upfront. This is an investment that they choose to embark in.

I think the very fact she is threatening court is already indication she is not bothered about a wedge between them.

spooky wrote:

I assume that she has gone to university this year. Students are very worried about the astronomical tuition fees.
I really fear that if this ends in court it would drive them even further apart.

This is true but degrees had become ridiculous in recent years. Tuition fees add a bit of sense to it all. Someone who wants to go into a career that needs a certain degree has the opportunity to invest in their future and the higher salary they will command will repay the money they borrow. Someone who wants to spend three years doing a degree in Surfing Studies with Extra Drinking and then go into a job that doesn''t need a degree in that can still do so but at their own expense.

Is it possible to be further apart than refusing to have contact but threatening court action if you don''t get your own way?

Perhaps the way to approach this is to take another tack. OP says he pays huge amount of spusal maintenance for life. Not quite sure what ''huge'' actually means, but if it really is unreasonable given his current circumstances and the demand to support his daughter, perhaps he should be thinking of applying for a variation?

I will stop posting on this thread now as we are coming from 2 different Directions.

As I have said before we do not know why contact broke down, there could be many,many reasons why the original poster is estranged from his daughter and we also do not know his financial situation.

As I have posted on another post this situation is tragic.

As a child of divorce and a divorcee I know only too well how, for whatever reason (apportioning no blame) , children and young adults lives are scarred by separation and divorce.