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Hi Krystal

I'm not going to tell you he's a lying cheating b***ard, i don't know him, you do.

If you believe what he's telling you, if he's willing to try anything to make amends and as long as you feel you will be able to get past his friendship/emotional affair with this woman, then go for it. I would have tried anything to try and make my marriage work but unfortuantely my stbx didn't feel the same way.

Separation and divorce is a horrible experience, if you believe there is a chance to make your marriage work and you are both equaly commited grab it with both hands, otherwise you will probably have to live with a very big "what if?"

Good luck and keep us posted

Dawn x

Krystal

That must have been quite a scary situation.

i think noone really can give you an answer to your question hun. You know your husband best. Yes you read about other people's exes over here and then maybe you can compare and contrast and see if it applies to your husband or not.

in my opinion he seems to be making an effort to reassure you that he has not stepped over the line. take him up on the offer of counselling. i am sure it will do both of you a world of good. and then take it from there....and remember his actions have to speak louder than his words.

take care
claudette x

Lizzybenn and claymic,

Thanks for the words of support and encouragement.

I too want to try to save my marriage and I do believe what he is telling me as, despite my repeated questions (and the odd, "How could you have been so naive/stupid etc")causing him to squirm each time I ask- he is still answering them and has not once said I don't want to answer/ stop asking etc. So I take this to be that he is not trying to hide or lessen things.

I guess I just wanted someone to reassure me that this does not have to mean the end of my marriage as long as he is prepared to meet me half way (oh and to NEVER, EVER, EVERRRR again think it is okay -on ANY LEVEL, for him to have a friend that has breasts- unless she is over 90 !)

Now if I can just erase my wrong thoughts that are picturing them in all sorts of explicit/ soul destroying settings then perhaps I can start to forgive him and move forwards?

And why am I having these wrong/ sickening thoughts when he has explained (repeatedly) that he has not laid even a finger on her and vice versa (and the fact that I DO believe him)? Does that make me sick in the head? Or a drama queen or what?

Hi Kristal

Are the mental images your thinking of what could have been or deep down do you have doubts about his honesty?

Either way if you are to make a go of things once you do forgive him thats it, you've forgiven him and you have to forget about it.
It's not something that can be thrown at him during arguments etc.

Dawn

lizzybenn,

The thoughts are just me imagining how she has flirted with him to try to get him over to 'the dark side' so to speak. How she would have fluttered her eyelashes and possibly met him with the top of her blouse potentially revealing slightly more than it should.....

Engaging him in 'sexually provocative' conversations about how 'up for it/ gagging for it/ good at it she is'.. That kind of thing. I try to erase them before they escalate but they still sear the back of my brain for the split seconds that I do entertain them..

I believe him 100%. I have seen his pain and his remorse..

I wish I could stop torturing myself with scenarios that probably didn't even happen (apart from in her sick brain) because they will be counter productive to any healing and restorative work that needs to be done.

As to not bringing it up. I guess I will need to get to a place where I stop with the questions too.

Am I reacting to this in an appropriate manner? I don't know. I hope so..

And I want to not get in my car, drive over to her place, knock on her door and rip her throat out with my bare hands as soon as she opens it whilst screaming about how much of a stupid, mentally retarded, fugly, husband stealing, foul mouthed, second rate two faced, whore of a woman she is and how dare she even look at my husband let alone think that someone like ME could ever be replaced by an insecure, pathetic biatch as her... (Phew, dunno where that came from but I sure feel a lot better now)

xx



..Sorry wiki moderators. I didn't mean to go off on one. Hope I am not in too much trouble

God thats so what I want to do to the b**ch also.
my friend and I actually drove up to her house last night "for a look" but really wanted to catch my husband, my stomach was in knots. I hate her, even though I feels its more him thats betrated me. But no more stalking as itsjst hurting me more and more..