hi I'm new...help...I need a good solicitor

Hi everyone, I am new to this whole forum thing so forgive me if I make mistakes. I have 2 children, am currently going through a separation and divorce proceedings are about to start, well they will if I can find a good solicitor, I have just been to see a solicitor today for the first time and I am totally unimpressed, I wondered if anyone could recommend a good solicitor who practices collaborative law in the Nottingham/West Bridgford area? not sure if I am posting this in new questions or here, sorry

Hi frostie, I would recommend you find one that is part of resolution.
They tend to work simpler and less agressive. At the end of the day that is the best route, some solicitors, more old school, tend to try to go for the jugular, but your best being near the surface and just get it sorted.
In my experience be aware thast some solicitors that take legal aid cases on give rather strange advice!
I know this is not necessarily to be taken as red for all solicitors but just a note.
If you are going to be on legal aid, be aware you will have to pay it back more than likely and out of any settlement for sure.

I am in notts too by the way.

Hi Bobbinalong, thanks for your reply, I have changed my username to Vorlon, Frostie was a bit "cold" lol. I don't really know what I need, I am really hoping for this to be amicable. it hasn't been for some time due to himself being a bit unpredictable to say the least... he is finally talking about trying to be fair but it depends what mood he is in at the time so I might need someone who can go for the jugular if that is required! I found it hard to get a straight answer from the solicitor about paying back legal aid, in fact I found it hard to get a straight answer about anything. I had gone in thinking I was finally moving things forward and came out feeling that I was back to square one and a bit lost. I guess I'm just going to have to go for the free half hour with a few more and hope for the best

vorlon, sounds like a warrior from a distant planet??
;o)
first of all who initiated the split?
if it was you, i would first beg you to realise he is going through a set of phases, you can find them on the web and read about what he is going through, if its vice versa then it will be you. These phases need to be understood to avoid too much bitterness. there is sadness, despair, anger, revenge or resentfulness and they are all natural.

yes there will be different moods, I had these depends to be honest on what was happening and i think communication is the key.
My stbx does not do communication, one example, our joint account has been overdrawn with also bank charges for 12 days? she is at the address, did she contact me about it? did she speak about it on the occasions i saw her? no, just head in the sand syndrome, it might go away. So what do i do, well it needed sorting, so i cleared the debt and closed the account, now shes mad as hell. For what? no communication.

So if you want to remain amicable and safeguard your kids future to be happy you need communication.

Yes go and see some other sols for free, but , they will only deal with one point for you really and they may seem vague as you are not in a contract with them and they dont want no come back for a free consultation.

any more just ask.

Hi vorlon

Welcome to wikivorce:)

Bobbin is right - depending on many factors (not least of which is if your stbx is an unwilling participant in divorce), your ex could be going through a difficult phase of acceptance.

It's a 'fact' of divorce that the petitioner is generally the one wanting to move things forward - hence the willingness to petition. However, the respondent is an unpredictable mix of things. Often is the case that for this person - it feels like there is no control and the petitioner gets to call the shots. It's not necessarily the case, but it can feel like that to the respondent.

You obviously recognise the need for clear advice - but in terms of 'going for the jugular'.... it's an aggressive position, to say the least. In my experience, aggression begets aggression.

Before beginning on that path, I would recommend that you are sure you can take it. A far better option, in my view, is to remain as reasonable as possible (very challenging, I accept that) and mediate where necessary. You have children together and, regardless of how the divorce goes, that will be the case forever.

I have grown up children with the man I divorced 22 yrs ago and they still carry the effects of our divorce.

I wish you well

Shezi

one of my friends accuses me of being a Vorlon,(your description is close) I'm sure I have no idea what he means...

wow, your stbx should be grateful you cleared the debt, I know I would be, her head is in the sand? it must feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall. It's hard to get through to people who just don't want to listen to reason, hard also to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves

My situation is tricky, I moved into the spare room 5 years ago after discovering his affair (not the only one), he has been controlling, aggressive and mentally abusive for the entire 12years of marriage.
I dared to ask for a divorce about 3 years ago and paid the price,he said he would "destroy" me and take the children away,he was prepared to lie in court and say that the children were at risk.
His need for control meant that it had to be his decision to divorce me, I have waited so long for that day he announced it a couple of weeks before xmas, I am scared how I will manage financially but emotionally I can't wait to be free. when he feels that he is in control he is much calmer,he has talked about being amicable and fair with the settlement but when I mentioned getting the figures he talked about in writing he went a bit mad and told me that he was trying being nice, now I'm p*ing him off I will get nothing. charming isn't he..

not sure what emotions he is going through currently as he is on his 6th woman (courtesy of match.com) since xmas, and running up more debt on the joint credit card spending money on them (approx £100-£150 a week on restaurants),and telling me that I can't buy the kids school shoes as there is no money. can't even begin to tell you how much debt he has got us into over the years.

my emotions? I think I have been through them all in the lifetime with him, havn't dared cry for 11 years as it makes him so angry, I'm just holding it together, going through the motions for the sake of the kids.

thanks so much for your replies,nice to know there are kind people in this mad world

Hi Shezi, thanks for your reply

you have raised something that I worry about the most and that is the effect on the kids, they are 10 and 7, I think I will feel guilt for the rest of my days that I wasn't able to protect them from this, as little as they are I try and talk to them about it and mostly try to get them to understand that none of this is their fault, I do feel that I have failed them though.