Divorce and the aftermath

Hi

I am currently living with my STBX, getting divorced (he has instigated the divorce) We were having a few problems for 6mths and we never spoke about them and then I found out he was in contact with a female friend where we live. We said we would work on our marriage and for a few weeks we did until I found out he was still in contact with the other female, they have been texting and phoning each other constantly and when I approached him about this, he says he has done nothing wrong. I am not sure if they have met F2F or certain of how far things have gone, all I do know is that this is an emotional/mental affair and in my eyes that is possibly worse than the physical. He is now saying he never loved me, typical saying for someone having an affair, that is what I thinks???

I am in the process of moving which will take 6 weeks, so we are still loiving together, it is fine in general, I am high in spirit and feeling good, which he does not like obviously, I am sure he thinks I should be dying somewhere, feeling at a lost but I feel relieve, I really do not want to be with someone who can hurt me the way he has....

So the aftermath....
He is still in contact with his female friend, I know because he keeps telling me and gouding me about it. We live in a small village, go to the local pub and the same friends, social environment. I know I am going to have to see them together and this is killing me, seeing them smiling at each other, happy with each other etc... I don't know how to handle that other than stay away, but how can I when this is my network of friends and my current support network.

some good advise would be great, panicking a lot about it

Bundle

Ok this usualy works and will unerve them. But 1st. You are looking at this the wrong way. You are well rid of this person and becuase he is not with you he doesnt exist. The 1st part is acceptance. Without this phase ticked you cant even move forward to getting over it. So accept that its over and he his with her and its his loss your gain. U should pity the OW.

How should you react when you see them? Be pleased. Be happy. Smile. Head up, shoulders back and act like you are happy. They are not expecting this at all and will throw them. If he speaks to you say hi. And walk away swinging yr handbag with yr head up high. Look happy be happy and smile a lot. After a while this sticks. And it helps. It will boost yr confidence and it gives you an air of dont care. And why should you care?

If someone asks you about yr ex just say you dont care. Dont say you are upset but say its the best thing that has ever happened to you etc. This will help you accepting that its over. Best ones, C.

Hi there

am in similar situation , and regularly see my stbx in social settings . So far Ive just completely ignored him , I try and imagine I dont even know this person ( and in fact I really feel I dont know who he is now !)

I was in pieces about it all last summer , but have absolutely refused to let it stop me doing what I want to do and going where I want to go . I used to feel upset when I saw him , now I feel angry , and I suspect soon I will feel nothing at all ( well maybe just a bit of hate lol )

good luck
shiny

Hi guys

Thanks for your great comments...
God does this get any easier, I have been fine until this weekend and then it hit me hard... I am now running on nervous energy, feeling sick to the pit of my stomache and want to curl up somewhere...Keeping that smile on your face is difficult

I am trying to keep positive but my mind keeps thinking about him and her and I seem to be more concerned about them than me. I suppose after 7 weeks of being positive and strong this had to happen in order for me to get over it.... but it is hard!!!
I am doing all the things they tell you to do to keep positive but my head is all over the place...

Any advise to getting past this?

Hi Bundle

I'm in a similar situation and bumped into the ex last week. It really did put me back from feeling strongish to feeling useless but as the others have said, YOU have done nothing wrong and have nothing to hide from.

I've not been on here long but already knowing that other people are feeling the same and have been through the same helps to give me the strength to believe that it will get better and it won't feel like this forever.

You will be fine, just keep talking about it and looking after you and it will help ease that horrible stomach knot and drowning feeling, promise

xx

Bundle wrote:

I suppose after 7 weeks of being positive and strong this had to happen in order for me to get over it.... but it is hard!!!
I am doing all the things they tell you to do to keep positive but my head is all over the place...

Any advise to getting past this?

There does come a time when it hits you like a train. There are no short cuts. Just do what you are doing. Crying helps (I know I have cried a river over my ex) and one day you will just stop and come to yr senses. Its something most of us go thru and its just a phase. Its just the shock and realisation that hits you. But it does pass. Chin up. Be strong. C.

I thought I was over it in a week, big mistake. I was in the car today listening to Avril Lavigne - what a life has she had to write that stuff? - I cried for many miles, I even looked at my face in the mirror after a while... don't do that, it wasn't pretty!

It's all come back again, but I feel she doesn't know any of this, or care, or have any of the same hurt... why is that?!

x ?:-{