Divorce and the aftermath

Hi Bundle....Im feeling exactly the same...I'm trying to look at the positives, being single, doing things I want to, but everytime I do my mind just switches back to her with him and what they are doing!
It hurts like hell for me still as its only been 3 weeks. The worst thing is, I'm still imagining what if she came bak and we tried again, or what if I'd done things differently to stop her going with someone else in the first place, though I know these are all stupid thoughts, they wont leave me alone at the moment.
Im here for a while if you want to chat or something.

Sutman6

You are going through what most of us are going through... you do not miss her, you are missing your life. Change is very difficult and you had no choice in yours, it was forced upon you and you were not ready for it...
You will feel sick thinking of them together and will most probably be sick at some point... (I have)it is hard and gets harder until it gets easier... just think to yourself.. I want to be treated how I treat people.... she was unable to do that and had no respect
Chin up

Hi Bundle...your right actually...its hard to see a new future when for 17 years you thought it was all planned out. As someone said to me recently, it like 'being born again'...which is quite true.
Thing is in my circumstances I cant even start to move on properly yet cuz she let me and the kids stay in the house at the moment cuz theyve got their exams...all I wanna do is get out and get going again somewhere new....and I can stop having to be so 'nice' to her too...

3 weeks is a short time... I found out about the OW 30.03.09 and keep getting my nose rub in it since then, yesterday being the last time.... I know I have the worst to come as I will have to see them together, at the moment they are being secretive for their own sakes... they don't want to look bad... too late! All my friends are disgusted with them,however, they will be pleasant towards them but that is all....
Everything is down to you, only you can make you feel bad, someone once told me that and I keep it near!

You need to start showing her what she is missing, not what you are missing.... it does stop them in their tracks I promise and you also get something out of it.... you back!
My STBX has struggled with me not curling up in a ball and wollowing in self pity to my friends.... I made sure I looked fab, taken care of myself and I actually feel fab, everyone has said I have me back, and I do... that is the key! you gotta start being a lil selfish and only think of you, no ifs or buts, YOU!

Just read this message
I am in exactly the same position, step daughter taking her exams and we are living together... it is the worse case scenario going... keep being nice for the sake of the kids, especially when they are around... I am taking this time of living together to do my grieving while I can still bear to look at him and each time he does something with no concern for me I am trying to get stronger (it hurts like hell but I have to be proactive and use the time well)Your time will come as mine will.... actually scared to move into my own home as then will be alone but the stress of living with someone you don't want to be with has to be worse...

So relieved to find others feeling the same way as me. Some days I feel quite positive, others just can't stop the tears. STBX thinks cos I've known about his affair and that he'll eventually be leaving for a few weeks, that I should be ok by now. Just cos he's got his future all mapped out he thinks I should be able to do the same. Seems to forget that he's had years to work things out!! Feel so old and tired and that no one will ever want me again. Not really sure how I would even go about meeting someone else, not that I'm ready for that yet. Just glad I've got my boys, who are being really supportive. The oldest bless him made all the pack lunches and did the washing up the other night when I was feeling absolutely shattered.

I hear you superleeds....the ones that had the affair have had a lot longer to get used to it than us, they were making plans long before we had a clue what was going on, but for some reason they don't seem to realise how hurtful this is.
When I said to my stbx what would you have done if I had done this to you a couple of years ago when you still loved me? She replied she would have wanted to kill herself! Yet still she thinks after just a few weeks of me finding out I should be able to move on and start a new life just like that.
I'm slowly starting to realise that even though she is still in my thoughts virtually 24/7, I have to start picking myself up and make plans, even if its the last thing I feel like doing. I'm going out on a night out with a gang saturday night, even though I don't want to do that either at the moment, but I know if I don't start pushing myself now its just gonna get harder and harder to start moving on.
As everyone here says, the best thing you can do is show them how good you are doing without them, even if you're not at the moment.
Look good, be nice, smile a lot....but when the time comes for more crying, just let it out by yourself and don't ever give them the satisfaction of seeing how much they have got to you.
Hopefully, soon enough, the hurt will lessen and lessen and the smiles become real.
Good luck