Divorce and the aftermath

I too thought I was over it after about one month but then bang the emotions hit me. I think I have helped replenish the thames the amount of times I have cried (lol). But by letting the emotions surface and accepting that is part of the healing process, it will and does get easier. It just takes time

if you could have got over your marriage breakup in a week it wouldn't have been a very meaningful marriage, would it?

Breakups are a loss and like bereavement there are lots of emotions - shock, disbelief, denial, anger, grief...

You are mourning the loss of your relationship (even if it was mutually ended, you had started out together assuming it was for keeps), the loss of the future you thought you had. To some extent you lose the identity you had as X's husband/wife.

All your relationships with everyone you knew change. Like a kaleidoscope, the pattern shifts.

It won't be the same again. But it will be better with time.

It's taken me 10 months to feel "normal" again after my ex moved out. I cried a small river in the first months after he went and I wanted him to go!!!

Something which might help was from a book I read on bereavement, which is that you don't get over it, you just get on with it.

NoRegretsNell wrote:

Something which might help was from a book I read on bereavement, which is that you don't get over it, you just get on with it.

I think its like this to start with but in time you do get over it. Well mostly over it and it does cloud yr judgement somewhat. But I think thats good in a way becuase it makes you more wary in future. And we should all be wary. But relationships are essentialy a leap of faith into the unknown as we dont know how we will be in say 10, 20 or even 50 years from the start. And of course we dont know the motives of the other party right or wrong when the say "I do". But mariage is supposed to be for life. For richer for poorer etc. Those vows I held close and I took them seriously. Its just my ex didnt. I was just a stepping stone until someone else came along. But I am glad it happened now. I certainly wouldnt have the life I now have and the great friends I have. Its just a shame that I had to go thru all that pain to get here. But it was worth it. C.

Where does the monster come from, I feel as though I have never known STBX...!
As mentioned I am feeling pretty low and did a very stupid thing (have we all done it?) He went out so I took a look in his inbox... big mistake, will never do it again. There was a message to OW saying " Hello Beautiful" on the same day we went to talk to our friends about our marriage... It was only short but enough to hurt like hell!

Stupidly, I sent her a message from his inbox saying, Missing you today, you me... but did not wait for the reply... I knew if he found out I had been snooping it would piss him off and it did.... he hated the deceit, welcome to my world....

He then proceeded to tell me I was obsessed with him and OW... well yeah, you put me there. I feel as though I am going crazy and know they will be together (his own admission) I suppose I wanted a reaction as he has never said sorry, looks at me like I am dirt on his shoe and has gotten over 7yrs in an instant...

Do I feel better.... yeah but also childish I have to say
Should I care what they think of me? I should not!
Will I do it again...hopefully not

This living with the Ex has to be everyone's worst nightmare... I can feel my self esteem going downhill everyday

Oh for this to be over!

Thanks for listening and a major thank you to all that reply, it does make it easier and feels like I have a new family
xx

What you did wasnt so wrong. Somethings going on behind yr back and you want to know what it is. You have a desire to be hurt. I used to do the same sorts of things. It hurt like hell but I was drawn back time and time again. Until I just couldnt take no more and I stopped looking. Your not childish to do this. Its natural. But I advise you not to look. It will hurt you and you dont need to be hurt no more. Best not to know. C.

I too have been a bit of a spy, I tapped our landline 10 years ago and found out about a relationship outside my marriage, it was denied, even with the 'proof' (words misconstued?) I didn't think so. I agreed to forgive/forget (forgetting is not possible).

Then recently I checked SMS, logged GPS movements, and discovered flirting and lying that just didn't equal faithful.

OK, so I don't have photographs or a confession, but this is my point, which is 'no smoke witout fire'.

I was so concerned with the trust I'd put into my partner, and her behaviour that already had undermined this, that I felt compelled to find out more.

This is a viscious circle, and if you find yourself there, you both have to see it as a very very serious sign.

You can't live in a close emotional relationship without trust.

x

Not sure if everyone does stupid things but I certainly have. Found OW mobile number from STBX phone bill and stupidly sent a nasty text. Caused no end on trouble! Regretted it at the time but now think serves them both right, he's still living with me yet thinks its ok to keep going round to see her then come back home to me. I know its petty but it did feel good to know I'd upset and worried her.