Divorce and the aftermath

I think a lot of have done things that we may not be proud of, but then we wouldn't have to if our exs didn't cheat.

I remember after finding out about my wife's affair whilst we were on holiday that she promised me it was over, and I believed her. It was only when we got back on holiday that I sneakily logged onto her mobile account and realised she had carried on texting him all the time we were on our family holiday. When I confronted her she tried to say it was all my fault for not trusting her and checking up on her!!

Im a bloke in a similar situation, but can't work out why I feel so gutted about whats going on.
My wife and I were togethr 17 years and married 8 this year. Things had become strained probably a couple of years ago. Then last year she went on a confidence building course, then started going out and stayng out, telling me she was with new friends she had met. We both decided it was over but we stayed together a long time, sharing money, house etc.
In march this year she asked for a divorce, which I agreed to, even signing the 'unreasonable behviour' papers to make it as smooth as possible.
I totaly trusted her, she was always one for saying cheating was 'evil' and all through our break up we both said we didnt want anyone else for a while,
i found out 3 weeks ago she had been seeing someone for almost a year. Not just seeing him, but almost leading a double life with him. She has moved in with him for a whie til I get somewhere else.
Now even tho we had decided to split up anyway, this has totally destroyed me. I can't understand how after 17 yrs and 2 kids she could just lie to me for so long, to someone she once loved, and now appears to be just as in love with him. Now its all out in the open she is carrying on as though everything is ok and wants us to be friends. I'm trying but its really hard getting my head round it all after only 3 weeks. I know its a grieving process and could take months, but christ its so hard at the moment...I know its not only me this has happened to but it feels like it...

Sutman, I'm a bloke with an almost identical story,(story, I wish) only differences being, Not so long in time scale and she has left me and our boys and now lives at her mothers. I'm still waiting to discover the real reason she felt it necessary to desert her family, she too has always taken the moral high ground, stating things like, "what sort of a slapper could leave her children and that scrubber is scr..ing him, I know his wife, she's ever so nice, he's such a bast..d". I don't know how I'm going to be when I finally find out the truth and in all honesty I hope I never do, some things better kept quiet even though the detective in me leaves no stone unturned in my quest to destroy myself.... But I digress, my thoughts are with you mate, a good sob late at night might help you sleep and tomorrow may be better.
Best wishes, chin up. Mickwilz.

Cheers mick...its true the more u find out the more it hurts...I caught her with a voice recorder hidden by the phone....thought my heart was gonna burst when I heard her swearing undying love to the OM. Then i found out they spent new years eve together and even stayed over in a pub...and since found out a lot more...everyone says someone like that isnt worth having, but so why do I miss her so much and feel sick everytime I think of them together? Like I say, its only been 3 weeks and its so hard mate, as u know. Anyway..god luck to urself mate

Yep, hands up who's right where you are! Sorry to sound glib, I think I'm screening how I feel, protection instincts?

My wife has walked out, "it hasn't been right for years" and "where's the man I married" and "He's just a friend who I can talk to".. ROTFL yeah, and I'm Santa Claus!

Ouch, getting bitter there. But seriously, it's somehow comforting that there are lots of others out there.. or in here at Wiki, who's stories are such a close mirror of ours.

Good luck big guy, do not think any of your emotions are wrong, trust your instincts, love your kids.

x :-}

Cheers forward...in six months time ill be saying 'good riddance' and she'll be 'begging to come back', so 'they' keep telling me....lol...who knows...as long as the pain has gone and I'm happy with life again, I don't care what happens.
Tho 'they' also say 'what goes around comes around', now I wouldn't mind being around to see that

I am now at the stage where I think I will never get over the hurt, I am thinking all sorts - they are ok, happy together and I am alone... negitive thoughts that do not do anyone any good!

But why oh why, does everyone say "it will never last" "He will be back" etc, etc etc

I don't want him back but I have been through all the emotions like sad, indifferent and hurt but now I am angry.... I would like to know at some point he is hurting (he is showing no signs of this) actually he is being really over the top happy, which is grating.... Obviously I am scared that they will live happy ever after, and I will not meet anyone....... ahhhhhhh!

Anger is a strange but powerful tools and I must use it to my own gain, not theres... get over it and move on in time....

It really is good to read eveyone's posts... we are not alone, we will get through this and be there for each other..!

Looking forward to becoming an even better person due to my experiences... that is what life is all about, so they say!