Well - here I am.......

Oh god....here I go again, upside down. I thought the letter would be a good thing but it would seem from everyone bar none that its the last thing I should do. I called the priest and am going to see him tomorrow at 5pm. I feel so alone and confused.......

Confused, yes, and understandably. Alone? No...you have support here now

I am not punishing my wife. Me and the boy's want our life's back which she has utterly crushed and destroyed without any thought for our well-being and love.

After 5 months of absolute cruelty and pain I have almost reached the point where I now want to take control of our live's rather than have my wife control us. The no-contact rule is a powerful tool and in hindsight I wish I had done this some months ago.

It has taken me a while but I am now begining to accept that my wife no longer wants to be with us and I am almost ready to let her go some 5 months down the line.

I know this will be the hardest part for me but I also acknowledge that it will empower me to move on and begin to plan my new life and support my two beautiful boy's.

Good luck and keep posting.
Brunswick.

sorry mate, that came out all wrong and I realise that when I posted.

5 months is a helluva long time considering I am only just starting this journey. I am just all over the place at the minute and just a bit freaked out by this group and how open everyone is. You people are amazing and I am so glad I found this place. I even had my first entry into the chatroom last night when I couldn't sleep.

Just one other thought....

I went to my local wine shop at the weekend and bought myself a bottle of Krug champagne - erm....don;t normally spend that much . I got back to the car and explained to my wife that whatever happens between us, this was something for me and when it gets cracked open, it will be the dawn of a fresh start, either with her or without her. It will remained sealed until I reach that point wherever or whenever it may be.

One thing is for sure,when the cork is popped, I will toast to each and every one of you on here and hope that you all find peace and happiness in your lives. Thankyou !!

As I said earlier this board has really helped me.

As for how you are feeling I never knew such horrible emotions ever existed - they truly take you to a dark place. I still have more bad day's than good ones by a big margin, but I am seeing a little light.

I wish you well.
Brunswick.

So sorry to hear your story noteasy. I've been in your shoes myself with a very similar story to yours, and it's a horrible feeling, a horrible position to be in and a horrible thing to deal with. I found wiki to be invaluable - it was a big thing for me to realise that I wasn't the only person feeling like this, or the only person that this was happening to. As you have heard, you are not going through this alone now - you have the full support of everyone here. Come back to vent, ask questions and join in the conversations, you're amongst friends.

Although there are lots of similar stories to yours, yours is unique to you and only you know the full details of it all. So even tho we pass advice on it's up to you what you think is relevant to your situation. There is one phrase however that gets mentioned a few times here and seems to ring true in a lot of cases - Chase a dog and it will run away. Walk away from it and it will follow you.

imo you have to start looking after yourself and focusing on what you can do to ease the pain in the short term, before looking at the long term. Keep posting, let us know how things are going and how you're feeling

Wishing you all the best with everything

Sun

Cheers and thankyou. I have my letter written and its sat in front of me and I am still unsure what to do, I most certainly won't hand it over now but I am also not ripping it up just yet.. I have an appointment with the priest tomorrow afternoon to go and have a chat. I am not Catholic (my wife is)but he is local to my home and was more than happy to see me and I have met him before and he is a nice bloke. Not "priesty" at all