i am so so depressed

Youre very welcome.
It's a long road your on, ad there will be days that you feel like curling up and dying, but there will be days that you are ok.
Just remember that each day you wake up is another day toward your happiness. You will be happy again.
I have found it hard these past few months to see that. I have a controlling Husband that never cherished me. He has done so many things to upset me over the years until I eventually sought friendship from a male friend. Hmm, wrong I know, but sometimes we do things we shouldn't for comfort. Since then (12 months ago), I have had a life of torment. He constantly threatened to separate, and made me out to be a bad person. I have been suicidal for months.I know Im not abad person, what I did was wrong, but it was out of character for me, and I would never do it again. I saw a counsellor to help me sort my thoughts out and I eventually put a deposit down on a new house to get away from all this, and although hes still making it difficult for me, Ive seen a light that I have to reach. I need to be apart from him so that I can look after myself and my girls. I know I will get a good life with no one telling me how I should live it all the time.
Listening to some other stories on here, makes you see that this goes on everywhere, and so doesnt make you feel it's just you.
It kind of gives you some strength.
Keep talking, it does you the world of good, and wer all happy to help you. xx

HI SOVERYTIRED-

oh dear- your situation is very difficult, and I am sorry how bad you feel. Let me offer my opinions, and I hope they will help.

I can imagine that all the problems you have seem insurmountable, but they are not. You have just dug yourself an enormous hole, and cant imagine getting out of it.

First of all, you have to start looking out for yourself, because no one else in your life is helping you.
Just because you are, at the moment overweight, it does not mean you are " bad " or undeserving of love and respect. But the people around you are being cheap. nasty and unsupportive.
Start by taking more care of yourself- the only reason you have let yourself go a bit is because you are being constantly crushed by those around you. Start paying attention again to your grooming, and make some good choices about your nutrition. Dont put yourself down about your weight gain, just decide to fill yourself with good , life-giving food, because you deserve it, not rubbish food.
Take your dogs out for a brisk walk every day- they love you unconditionally, for who you are, not how you look. The exercise will help your health, raise your spirits and give you time to think what to do next.
In my opinion, your husband has treated you very badly for a long time, and you should start thinking about making a new life without him. Why stay with someone who has treated you like this? you deserve the chance of happiness elsewhere.Do not allow him to force you into any acts or behaviour you are not comfortable with. That is abuse. Ignore his talk re your children- he will have to at least help financially, and it sounds like he is trying to control you so that you dont dare to leave him.
Your children are being cruel- maybe because they are copying the behaviour of your husband and his family, maybe because they dont understand why you are like you are at the moment. If they see you taking charge of yourself, it may teach them what inner strength you have, and how unhelpful they are being.
At the moment you dont feel able to take on this problem, but you absolutely can. You must start by deciding that you are a loving, generous and worthwhile person, who is not prepared to let others put her down anymore. Stop being so hard on yourself.Keep posting and getting step by step support on this site,

good luck

Hello SoVeryTired,
I am sorry things are so tough for you and that you are feeling so low right now. Please don't give up, things will get better. Even if you can't feel that hope at this moment in time, other people on wiki can hold the hope for you until you are in a place where you can hold it for yourself.

I agree with what constanza has said. The only thing I would add is that I think your children's behaviour is following, not just the behaviour of your husband and his family, but also your own behaviour towards yourself. You have no respect for yourself (not taking care of yourself physically etc), and therefore they are following your cue and not respecting you either. You clearly have such a low opinion of yourself and you are literally feeding this through your weight and lack of self-care.

The very first step is perhaps the hardest of all and that is believing in your own worth and showing yourself the love and respect you deserve. You can start to do this by getting some help (yes, you are worth it). We are often so much harder on ourselves than we ever would be on anyone else. Imagine you are your best friend. Treat yourself as you would your best friend. I expect you would show her some kindness and compassion and make sure she gets the help she needs? So do this for yourself, you are equally deserving.

I believe you can do it. Good luck.

SoVeryTired,

lots of sound advice from the posters. You should try to srart thinking of yourself...I know that can be hard...but when you do..you will be amazed at how many zap your energy..take care and try to take some time out for you.

Elle x

hi, i have read all your replies and they are incredible. Such wonderful support. i cannot quite believe that i have lived in this isolation for so long and yet there are people like all of you, who although having problems yourselves, are so willing to help other people.
i dont quite know what has been wrong with me. my husband has bullied and abused me for years. he is 6 ft 4 and i am 5 ft 2. i was 7 stone something when we met and i am not nearly 17 stone - an increase of 10 stone! i can't believe it myself. he has always made me feel as though there was something wrong with any friend i made. even with the mothers at school and tupperware parties and such like, i never went because he said that married people should be together. i think i understand why now! he was busy chatting up women and wouldnt have been able to cope with the thought that i might do the same with men!
ah well, after another night of mental torture (last night) he has now gone to work and I have decided to have his bags packed when he gets home.
its not a knee jerk reaction - its something i should have done years ago. i have stayed with him because i thought it was best for the kids and for money. i am so overweight that it is quite difficult for me to do many of the ordinary household stuff, so i believe i have had him here for that reason too.
but light has now dawned. this man is going to keep abusing me until either i jump off the highest building or eat myself into an early grave. he is very thin himself - i wonder what its all about.
but you know what, i don't even care anymore what its all about. i am tired and like one of your wonderful people have said i am abusing myself and really saying to my kids - come on abuse me, i am nothing, i am nobody.
and now i know that that is no good for me or them. they are teenagers now and all they are going to remember when they leave home is how their mum hated herself.

so NO MORE - feel the fear and do it anyway - thats me!

((((Hugs))))to you all.

I'm so shocked by what I've read. Please take care of yourself. You are so special, don't let anyone put you down.

Life is a gift. Make the most of it, you are the important one, number 1!

When you love yourself, confidence will ooze from you. Do whatever you can to make it good. You've already taken the first step by finding us here. There are so many friends here for you. Keep posting, we'll be waiting to hear from you.

Take care and Good Luck!! x

Hi SVT. I am so sorry to read your story. It seems to me from what you have told us that you are suffering from depression. This can really drag you down, make you think everyone and life in general is against you and can make it hard to be motivated to perfom any 'normal' activity. I hope the stigma of depression doesn't bother you - I and many others here are going through this with you. The people around you seem insensitive at best and I can understand how their comments affect you.

But what is also clear from your post is that you are an intelligent, articulate and emotionally honest/aware person and you deserve enormous credit for that, especially under the circumstances.

I know that moving on, away from what you know, can appear very daunting, but maybe even a short while away will help you to gain some control over your own life and maybe like yourself again. It sounds like the cumulative effect of these negative comments has worn you away, like water dripping on a stone. You know what is making you unhappy and you know that it is this, not you as a person, that has brought you to this unhappy place. I think you need to do something to make you feel better, at least for a while.

Keep posting and chatting SVT. You are amongst friends here and just talking about things can be a great help, as we have all found out

Take care

Sun