How do I get strong enough not to keep calling

My husband has left me 4 weeks ago, and all I do is call him, but he never answers my calls, and then I start feeling bad for chasing him and begging him to come back. I just need the strengh to stop calling him. He left me without even discussing it but I feel he has meet someone else, as he has done this before, just dropped me for someone else. We were getting on really well, and had plans, but now they have all gone, and I am in bits.

Hi

Sorry to hear about your situation. I found that there were a number of things in particular that helped me. The first was simply time. As time went on I found that I cared less and less about my wife. Another thing was to find other things to occupy my time. I joined a social group, I caught up with some old friends, I met people from this site and generally introduced some new things into my life.

A short term practical measure is to rearrange the furniture in your house, change pictures etc so that it has your mark on it, rather than 'yours and his'.

If you use this site, and the chat you will find a lot of people in the same boat who will be able to help

Take care

S

Hi Lorrae,
you obviously want answers and a reason why he has done this. don't beg him to come back, it won't make him come back and you will lose all your dignity in the process.
I presume you don't have children together so you don't have to keep contact?
If you own property together then he is going to have to talk to you at some point to sort it out.
he won't give you anything positive while he is "on the run" and you are chasing him. he might not be able to face talking to you out of guilt for what he has done to you especially as he has done it before.
my advice in the short term would be to write his number down and lock it away somewhere, for emergency use only or to contact him to discuss finances etc, if you have to contact him for something specific, write it down, wait a couple of hours and re-read it to make sure it is a calm and rational statement before you text/call. stick to the point and don't involve emotion in your comments to him.
then delete his number from your phone to stop yourself from contacting him on impulse.
I suspect you are repeating yourself in texts/answerphone messages full of emotional pleas, why's and how-could-you's. the more he won't answer the angrier you get and the more you demand that he talk to you, so the more he won't because he knows he has to face up to what he has done. he is a coward and he has the problem not you.
Hold your head up high, you deserve better and he knows it, no matter what was said/promised/planned for your future together some people just talk the talk but don't mean it. you can't change that as upsetting as it is. you might never get your answers but thats because he has issues. he has done this to you before, he knows he has put you through pain and he has done it again. don't let how he behaves ruin your life.
be free to find your true happiness. you deserve someone who treats you with respect and there are good people out there don't put up with the crap.

Lorrae, every ending makes way for a beautiful new beginning.it doesn't feel like that right now but believe me its true.

you have probably gone into a mild panic at the thought of deleting his number, if you have to keep it in your phone because you can't bear to delete it or you know it from memory, edit his contact name and write STOP after it. I did this and it makes you take time out before you send a text or call.
If he contacts you don't reply or answer straight away, gather your thoughts, again, write down what you want to say, wait and read it again before you talk/text.

Thank you so much for your reply, and I think your idea that I put stop on his name is such a good way for me to see that what I am doing is wrong.

Lorrae, don't think that you are in the wrong, it is obviously wrong for you to keep contacting him as it is causing you more distress, getting you nowhere and you are feeling out of control. the situation is out of your control, he is out of your control but you can get control over yourself and these little things you can do (itgetsbetter suggested some good stuff too) will empower you and you will stop spinning in a circle.

You will get an opportunity to say what you want to say in time, it will have more impact if you are calm and to the point when you say it though it might not change anything. sometimes its just not worth your energy wasting time trying to talk rationally to someone who doesn't want to listen. he will hear what you say but he might not ever acknowledge it.

My stbx had an affair 6 years ago (the first of many) and to this day he has never apologised or admitted he was in the wrong, he transfers his guilt by blaming me for everything he has ever done. It is infuriating but I know in my heart that I am in the right. I have learnt so much from the past few years, I feel sorry for him as he has learnt nothing.

Don't say or do anything that you will regret, that way you will never have to be the one to say sorry.

Lorrae,

I can understand how you feel. I was terribly distressed when I discovered ex was seeing not one but TWO other women. He was away, and never came back. In true cowards fashion he refused to explain, apologise or comfort me in my distress, despite my leaving numerous daily begging messages and texts on his mobile, and thoroughly humiliating myself.
Within one week of my discovery, I received a letter from his solicitor threatening me with legal action if I continued to " harrass " my husband!!!!! Oh, and he also informed me of his petition for divorce on grounds of MY unreasonable behaviour.

Two years down the road, with ex still after ME for a share in MY house, I can see him for the A******e he is. Maybe your ex is not as bad, but be warned by my story- it's quite incredible what lies some people will perpetrate in order to live with their consciences.