struggling with life without wife

Hi everybody...

Im new to wikivorce and also new to being seperated. I don't usuly go onto forums or chat online,i don't even have a facebook site.I shall tell you a little about myself. I was hapily married until 3 weeks ago when i found a second mobile phone in my wife's handbag (i was not snooping i was looking for her lipstick so i could buy her some makeup for her birthday). I read some of the texts she sent and recieved and it all became clear,the nights out all of a sudden with her friends, going out most evenings for a walk to get some exercice.As you can imagine my world fell apart, i was and to be honest still am in love with her so this all came as a horribe shock to me. I didn't know what to do, i took her the phone and showed her and all she said was "we don't matter think about the children".I was in such a shock that i said nothing,dropped the phone and just walked out.
The last 3 weeks have been the worst of my life. ive lost 3 stone and drink most days. I was until then a non-drinker in fact the last time i had a drink before all this was 6 years ago when my son was born.I havn't told my work friends because as you proberly know it's embarasing and to painfull to tell anyone face to face. I personaly just end up balling my eyes out.
The worst thing about all this is she started seeing this man while i was in hospital having the snip. there were complications and i nearly died and ended being in hospital for almoast a month. I get to have my children ( my son 6,the twins girls 9 months) at weekends and when i can in the evenings (I work shifts)
Her mother has the children at her house all week and is looking after them day and night as the wife is living her second life with her boyfriend all the time. she see's them for an hour when she finishes work then goes out and the mother in law does it all. she is fantastic, a god send, the only rock in my life.
I have recently (2 days) taken my house back from her as she hardly used it anway so that i can have the children more and give my mother in law a break and give the children some normality back at home with there farther.
My problem is i still love my wife and im finding it hard living my life without my life partner. Im struggling to let go and keep hoping she will see sence and come back to me, but deep down i know she wont and that hurts even more. i know i deserve better but we were together for 16 years and its difficult to think of my life alone. All we do is argue when we see each other and im finding myself trying to score points off her and as a result its very difficult to sort anything out. do you think its because im hurt and want to hurt her?.I know im making my life harder but i just do it without thinking about it. Its horrible and i hate myself for it but my emotions are all over the place at the moment.
thanks for reading this,i know this is a long message for somebody introducing themselves but once i started typing i could'nt stop. It feels good just talking about it.

Hi Eyes Open,

Unfortunately your story is a familiar one.
You have found the right place to get support and advice.
I, like many others here, have been in your position. You are in a new situation and feeling at your worst right now.
At the moment the important thing to do is look after yourself. Stop drinking, as it adds to your depression. Eat well and stay fit. You will need to look after yourself so you can look after your children.
You will go through different stages of anger and grief. These feelings are justified and normal.
Use this site to get through the coming months.
Make the most of the information here and the advice offered by others.

Things will get better for you, and you will come through this,

Stay with wiki and keep in touch,

Deb x

Hi

Just read your post and felt so heart broken for you, i am in the same situation, my husband was carrying on with some woman in his work place. I have had two months to get my head around it and i spend most of my time focusing on my son. I know it can be so difficult, you don't know who to talk to or what to say. It gets better as time goes by, you will go through a host of emotional outbursts (wanting, hating, frustration,etc), the idea is not to let yourself get dragged down into any, so you can pass over and start your life again. That said, i noticed you talked about drinking, i would urge you to put the bottle down, its the only sure road to self destruction, she has already dealt you a hard blow by betraying the sacred unity of marriage, please do not let her do anymore than necessary. Pick yourself up love your kids and let your focal point be them, make an effort to be happy everyday. I know its easier said than done but trust me time heals all wounds, in time the pain shall pass and you will find someone to love and who will love you and your kids.

Chin up, booze down

Hi deb,thanks for your kind words and support.I know you are right about looking after myself and i shall if not for me for my childen.once again thanks, i think i made the right decision adding my post if it means i meet such nice people as yourself.
take care.

Hi again eyes open,

You are most welcome,

just keep posting with your questions and feelings,

This is a good place to get those bad feelings out.

Wiki got me through my divorce, and through it I've made firm friends.

Take care

Deb x

Hi atlincoln, thanks for your kind words. what you said realy touched me and knowing that other people on this site are going through the same emotions and heartache as i am is odly comforting.thank you.
I hope everything in your life from now on is full of happyness and fun.

ease of the bottle for your kids

i would advise you to edit their names out for privacy on your original post

she is behaving like a complete B*&^h

lawyer and start protecting yourself....given her behaviour you may well have a case for custody of the kids

keep on good terms with your MIL #

put your feelings down in writing and try and arrange to see a counsellor

at some point you can give her a letter (if you want) explaining things and pointing things out......

she'l probably read it ...but given her behaviour is unlikely to change

all the best