struggling with life without wife

Hi moneyobsessed, thank you for the advice about editing the kids names, i should have thought about that but i was in free flow writing at the time and didn't realise. good advice about the letter, maybe i should point her in the direction of this site and my posts?. Thanks again

Hi eyes

Sorry to hear your situation. I had a similar thing just over 2 years ago. It is really hard to handle at first, but believe me you can get through these things. I am now divorced and moving out of the marital house on Monday to my new house - I have been living here with the children after she moved out.

Focus on your children, be there for them, but don't neglect yourself. Use your support network. You will get lots of support from this site.

It is understandable that you still love your wife - you cannot just wipe out 16 years. Just remember that it is very unlikely that she loves you now, it is not a reflection on you. People do this, it may be the dreaded mid-life crisis, but there are things you just can't change.

All the best.

S

Hi s.
thanks for your advice,what you say is true she proberly does not love me anymore and that hurts to say as i still odly love her after all she has done.After reading all the posts from my thread that all of you have sent me it fills me with hope for the future and makes me feel like life will go on. Not in the same way but better.To all who posted a massive thank you and may all your wishes come true.

Eyes open,
So sorry to hear of your horrible situation. Like many others on this site, it is so, so similar to mine. Finding out what your wife has been up to behind your back feels like a physical pain, like a knife to the heart and like you I'm going through such mixed emotions - still loving her even though I shouldn't (although that seems to be decreasing after 6 weeks). Like others have said, you need to knock the booze on the head. It might seem like a bit of temporary relief to numb the pain, but it won't help in the long term and if you get yourself too messed up you'll end up not seeing your kids, so you need to keep it together for them.
As a bloke, I know how hard talking about it can be and that's where Wiki can help. I find that just coming here and putting stuff in writing helps clear my head a bit, and people here are so supportive. Because of that, I wouldn't show your wife your posts here. Just my opinion, but in the future it might restrict what you want to write because you know she'll be reading everything. It's nice having somewhere to come where people don't know you, but are still willing to help.
Try and concentrate on the children, it sounds like they will be needing you a lot in the future, so when you get really low, just think about them, and know you will do right by them.
Take care
jxr

Hi

I don't wish to be a "spanner in the works" however is your wife suffering from Post Natal Depression?

I feel sorry for you in your situation however I also feel sorry for your wife, for some strange reason.

Your mother in law sounds like an absolute angel - why don't you have a word with her?

Best wishes

Wow - you posted this 7 hours ago and already have a host of replies. This is my first post to any kind of site like this and I naturally sympathise. Must continue the booze comments and say I had a friend who turned that way after a forced seperation, and what it does is put everything on ice - he felt he could cope better by being drunk, and never confronting anything. My Priory shrink (same one - that's how we met) told him he had wasted maybe 2 years of his life.

Anyway, despite you reading all of this i'm sure it'll be mega-difficult to take on some of the suggestions. I'm going through a seperation / divorce right now and I like to do other stuff. I've bought a motorbike and met some different friends, been on a couple of weekend easyjet flights to Europe with friends, and have restarted reading again. The idea that it would be the end of the world if you were single forever has got to be wrong - a social conditioning about what successful (I mean happy) people do with their life.

One thing's for sure (and be of no help) - time will heal over most of your bitterness.

Good luck. David

Hi
I was going to echo what rainyday has said. Your twins are young, the first year with twins is extremely hard work and with another child I am sure your wife felt she probably had no life...all children, wife and no time for herself (I know I did!!).
I am not condoning what she has done/ is doing at all, she sounds like she needs counselling, some sort of reality check...could she have PND, unusual for a woman to leave her children as much as you say she is.
I am sure her mum has spoken to her but it may be worth asking her to do so again. Your priority is you and your children....ease up on the drinking and maintain the contact. It is very early days to make any big decisions, take care xx