struggling with life without wife

This made me cry.
What I want to say and it will not help but perhaps you need to hear it is this...

She doesn't deserve you. Hold your head high, get a lawyer and makes sure she doesn't get anything you feel she is not entitled to.
Maybe she is suffering from PND - I have no idea - does it manifest itself like this?
Even so - it is devastating.
Try not to drink - it will make things worse.
Go see your doctor - its a start and the least you can do is offload and perhaps get some counselling.

You have got children - you are worthwhile and you can get through this.
Good luck xxxx

Hello,
I cant express how sorry i am for you, reading about your nightmare! I can fully understand and simpathise with you.
Like every helper here has said, first and foremost leave that bottle, it is a downward slope, you have your lovely children to really focus on, they are worth it!
I know about the feelings, they get twisted up so much, sometimes i feel so numb, other times angry, and needless to say i want "my wife" back. She too has gone off, with a bondage master, and is a slave. What has happened to me is so bizarre!!
I hope this word of advice helps - i think it helps me. Internally, us men in a situation like this, have thoughts with feelings that are really screwed up. I know when i'm about to really hit a low. You know we have 2 choices here. We can either spiral down, or the second choice is to attempt to stay "level".
I try and think that for me personally, staying "level" is a better option. Incredibly hard, i know, but coming to terms with this, comes with time.
I want you to "think" this, whenever youre feeling yourself slip down. I realise deeply that this dosnt help so much with your day to day practical problems,i know of course, like me, you would rather have your wife back. They have been our rock for many years. I'm told so many times that life does get better, like you, i'm still waiting for that! I'm assured it does. Like me mate, YOU desserve better, it will come to you.
I live for my daughter, she is all i have, whilst my exwife goes on holiday with her master, and will enjoy a good lifestyle when he gets back into work as a computer programmer, whilst i will struggle, at least for the foreseeable future. You know, our future is coming, and it will get better. We just dont see it yet.
Take care.
Roland Barkans

I would like to thank everybody who have given me support and advice over the last 24 hours.this site is fantastic for people like me who dont realy have anybody to talk to. thank you all, all of your advice is most apreciated.x

I just wanted to add a 'hello' and to welcome you to the board. I'm finding it really helpful. Even if I don't post very often (I sometimes try to but don't feel I know enough and feel a bit of a fraud as I'm the one divorcing my husband basically because things have been on a gradual fizzle out for many years). Anyway it is a great place to find practical advice from people who've been through the exact same situations and can speak from experience, often saving you from unnecessary calls to a Solicitor who you can often feel is the only one to turn to (and costs to much for this to be the case!).

I also wanted to say i've found the book 'Moving on' by Relate quite helpful and it has some good bits at the back about doing special stuff to help you move on like doing something scary, moving the furniture around, make a new contact by saying hello or smiling at them, get up early and watch the sunrise. That sort of stuff.

Like some of the others, I have a niggling feeling about your wife and the twins. I can't begin to imagine how much time twins take up! Perhaps something snapped in her and she wanted to escape her life and this man gave her that avenue. I'm wondering if somehow she can be redirected back to you? Only you will know how far things have gone. Will she consider some form of counselling, mediation? Oh yes, and do cut down on the booze, that will just bring you down, cost you money and ruin your health. You will always be pushing your feelings under the carpet instead of dealing with them gradually. Take each day as it comes (they say that a lot on here!!) and look after number 1 xx

Having just read your other post I am inclined to agree with boredwithwaiting:

"Perhaps something snapped in her and she wanted to escape her life..."

This does sound like PND.

Best wishes

whether it's pnd or not
it does not excuse pursuing a relationship with another man

pursuing that logic anything goes

as for raising the twins, sure that's bound to be difficult

however someone who loved their husband would perhaps leave, or ask for counselling or throw a wobbly that they cannot cope,

sleeping with another guy.....is a big big big leap

as for the other guy...if he is aware of the situation...then he is a disgrace

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postpartum_depression#Symptoms

STBXIsMoneyObsessed wrote:

whether it's pnd or not
it does not excuse pursuing a relationship with another man

pursuing that logic anything goes

as for raising the twins, sure that's bound to be difficult

however someone who loved their husband would perhaps leave, or ask for counselling or throw a wobbly that they cannot cope,

sleeping with another guy.....is a big big big leap

as for the other guy...if he is aware of the situation...then he is a disgrace

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postpartum_depression#Symptoms

You know the whole thing about severe depression, whether it is PND or other types, is that mentally you are not on control and do all sorts of things that you would never in a million years dream if.

So, with respect, it is not for us to judge. I have been guilty of that further up the page, but I have had time to reflect.

IF she had PND then to her it would make perfect sense to do what she has done because she would be focused on feeling better and also depression does make you do the most manic things, including running away from the situation and yes, having a fling.

I am in agreement with one thing tho - the guy IS a disgrace and it will end in tears...