trying to work it out!

Hi girls, yep I'm here with you all too! 19 years of marriage up in smoke - all the denials, all the lies, all the hurt, arghh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not optimistic that one day HE will realise the pain he's caused me and the kids - he's totally insensitive and as someone mentioned earlier his brain appears to be rewired!!! What REALLY infuriates me most is how he can do this to his children - as for her!!! How can she live with this? At least we have each other ladies xxxx

Hmm

Hurtandsad
Husband that is badtempered and easily irritable? Well that's my ex - though its odd, he was really irked by our sons and is now living with two younger children. Do they annoy him when he's watching tv and they make a noise, I wonder? Of course not, because he is with a woman who really understands him - they are so compatible!

We weren't compatible, even though we clocked up 31 years together.

Still, as TM and others have said, once you have some distance, you get some perspective and wonder why you put up with their moods and selfishness for so long.

One thing is certain - I'm not going to do that again! No more one-sided compromise, that's for sure.

Yup, mine was bad tempered and irritable too, wasn't happy and found someone that understood him. Strangely this person has now finished their relationship, so maybe she understood him too well.

We managed 25 years of marriage, almost 30 years together in total, but I'm now told that things had been wrong for years and years.

Mine finally did admit last night that he had done wrong (in having the affair), so maybe there is hope for him yet. Probably not with me though.

Soph -never had any admission or apology from mine , he did make a list of complaints tho, wait for it...
i left 2 many lights on, used washing machine and dishwasher 2 often, didn't clean the car or cut the grass, didnt groom the dogs often enough , spent toomuch money on household shopping! I am such a bitch! Laughable and while writing this list he was having an affair. What planet is he on! My friend said he couldnt come up with anything against me ha, ha.

I used to feel resentful at the 24 years I wasted on my Stbx, I did everything for him, I sacrificed time with my children to financially support our children, I defended him from criticism from both his and my family for being lazy. He never interacted with the children, always "at work", "tired", "on his computer" or "on his motorbike", he never apologised for his behaviour telling me it was my fault for being too busy to spend time with him, telling me I was paranoid for doubting him but...............................................
Now 2 years on he is dragging out the divorce, criticises me as a Mum and is determined to make my life more miserable.

I realise that I was always the strong one and that he needed me to take care of him but as life progressed and there were more demands on my time rather than helping me he just decided to find someone who could give him that undivided attention without asking anything in return.

Don't get bitter Get better

sounds about par for the course.

My ex did say sorry to me a few months back, for all the hurt he'd caused. But I know he can't possibly understand exactly how much hurt, because if he did, he wouldn't be able to look me in the face.

however, a partial apology is better than none, I suppose. He hasn't apologised to our sons and probably doesn't realise that he ought to.

Well I was someone who didnt need him......he actually sounded pathetic....noone wants him....noone cares......well be someone that someone would want then instead of being someone who
was tired
was nearly 50
had worked all day
only had two days off a week

and actually hes right
but is marriage need?? isnt it a partnership
Im so glad I didnt need him because where the hell is he now?
Im so strong I surprise myself ....after Ive done something or made a decision I think ...did I really do that??
yeah it was a shock when he told me he was going...but 26 years is a long time
and i still get bad moments when i wish the house wasnt empty
but im crawling back
i slip a bit
but im never going back down there :o)