trying to work it out!

Me too! I had a super husband and a great father to my kids fpr 19 years (married for 18).Loving, supportive and caring then suddenly became moody and distant, bad tempered towards all of us. Mysterious gaps in time not accounted for noticed by the kids (expected to pick up daughter from 10 minutes away and took an hour etc). Started dieting and working out, became teetotal. When I tried to talk to him he came out with a litany of trivial complaints about me. He suddenly became 'unhappy' at home when he met the other woman.
It is awful and the grieving is a necessary part of the road to recovery. We are better off without them, who wants to share their life with the person they have become?
I find it ironic that they all seem to follow the same plot!!!
Has someone written an adultery manual that they all read???
I find it incomprehensible that a person can just discard everything they held dear along with their principles and cause so much hurt and suffering to their own family.
It does get better but it's very hard and takes time. I am 2 years on now with 3 very hurt grown up children and couldn't face the divorce etc until now so I will just be glad when it is all over.
Good luck and take care of yourself.
They just aren't worth it!

we all seem to have the same stories! interestingly our ex partners leave us at about the 18-20 year mark???????? mid life crisis? like hurtandsad points out that they all follow the same route of lies it is almost like they do read the same book. but ironically they think they are unique! Really!!!
i no it will get easier and the sooner the better. I hope like Mrs mellors i will be emotionally detached as soon as possible! .He has moved on and it hurts that he appears to have no remorse or shame for what he has done to me and our children!
well i am off out friday night first time since it happened! my first birthday without him! 43 is the new 40! life begins! i had to even buy a push up bra today as i have lost so much weight! i am down to size 12/14. so i can at least thank him for giving me back my figure! lol. best diet i have ever done!

Actually I do think in some cases an affair is a symptom of depression - in my case my ex had struggled with it for years but seemed to think the OW had "cured" it...hmm not so sure myself, she has been on ADs for about 15 years and her husband killed himself over the affair.

So actually denial, denial of getting older, denial of what has happened in their lives till now and what they think will happen in the future and denial of the effect their actions will have, is quite often at the root of their behaviour.

Whatever the cause, we have to pick up the pieces and I can honestly say, nearly 9 months on, that I am happier than I have been in a heck of a long time and certainly mentally freer. In the long run, we will all be much the better off for this, however hard it may seem at 1st

Welsh Devon - hope you had a goodnight out!

Throwing Muse - Yes I agree about the depression, he always seemed bad tempered, I doubt that has changed! He never wanted to go anyway or do anything and was irritated by very trivial things. He didn't sem to know how to relax, always fidgeting around at something. My youngest daughter said, "I like it being just the 2 of us".
Wel he is ow's problem now!!!

Seems like we all found men made out of the same mould...hope it wears out soon to save the women of the future!
must be human nature or theyve all read the same book on "How to mess life,future and feelings up BADLY"
but it seems they are all dealing with it in the same way....which helps me really because I then know that its not ALL my fault.
Its a waste of time typing what he did to me coz its already been typed by so many others....
Its been 6 months now and I refused to be rushed into ended the marriage as quickly as possible...that has given me time to get stronger...I still have "mini wobbles" ......sometimes I know why.....sometimes I dont!! but they are shorter and fewer as each day passes.....I do hope hes happy...whatever life he has now....but I do hope he comes to realise happiness isnt always based on the good times...and I was willing to stay thro the bad ones too...just hope SHE is..and I hope he also sees that he can never change the visions the kids saw when he was that ZOMBIE ....hurting and walking away from me as if I were LESS than a stranger to him.They wont forget...and you may feel thats mean....but for Gods sake the only thing I never did as a wife was forgive me for sleeping with my best friend after 18 months of marriage a bad pregnancy ,a toddler and being 8 months pregnant again!! Shame on me
That was a bit waffily.......hope it makes sense
Stay strong.....its all we got left and we are worth it!! x

Hi Ladies.

I have read through all of your stories and they are scarily similar.
Do you know what though? It proves one thing - men are, on the whole ridiculous.
Keep going all of you - there are some good men out there somewhere (not sure where though).
You all sound like brave strong fabulous females - remember that when your stbx's have paunches and lose their bimbos and come crawling back.
God I sound bitter - this hasn't even happened to me but at the moment my feminisrt instincts are very strong.
Huge hugs for all of you and give those pathetic specimen's you married hell!

It's interesting that what comes across really strongly is that so many of our exes became unhappy, rather than make their vows mean something and work at it, they ran away to someone who "really understood them" (LOL, just wait OWs till the bubble bursts...once a cheat...)

After the rejection and the feeling that we are damaged goods - which has taken me a long time to get over, I felt I had "REJECT" stamped on my forehead for months - we can see their behaviour for what it was and realise we are actually better off.

I read back the other day through some old text messages I sent my friends when all this started and I really do feel a different person now. Whatever these men's reasons, in the end they have, however indirectly, done us a favour so maybe we should thank them?? Actually maybe not their egos don't need any help