What do you have to do to get it right?

Hallo Sandrew

Maybe you didn't do anything wrong. All people have different views of relationships - what works in one marriage may not work in another. And what used to work sometimes doesn't because people change.

My ex used to play football and rugby regularly. This didn't change when we had children, he still had his nights out etc. i did all the housework, cooking, cleaning, washing, gardening and then carried on doing all that whilst having a 26 hours a week job.

But he's the one who called time by having an affair. My fault for being horrible, apparently! Gosh, I wish I had been horrible! Once I found out and refused to do any more washing & cooking, he thought I was unreasonable.

At the moment, he is in Portugal with his new woman and her family. I am at home with two angry, confused teenage sons and we can't afford a holiday.

So it isn't always the men who suffer. Ex has had very little to do with our sons since he left - they are the ones who are suffering.

So concentrate on your children and loving them. Forget all the questions about what went wrong - there are no answers that would help, believe me.

Nell

Hi NellNoRegrets,

Yes i understand women too come worse off, but i was taking into account that this is the second time iv'e been married and the first marriage was broken by my first wife having an affair, although i had to pay for her wrong doing by way of her personal destruction of my head and financially, although, this time theres no other party involved, but yet again, did all the things i thought that was right as a dad and husband and again being the one who goes on with little more than when you first started married life 19 years ago apart from the love of the children and a lot more wiser, it can ruin your'e perspective of future (if any) relationships.

I can only say I admire you for giving marriage another go, then.

I am never going to give a man the power to hurt me ever again. I am going to rely on me, because I won' let me down.

Best wishes for the future, whatever happens.

Pop into chat to talk to other peeps and for instant friendly support.

Nell

Hi Andrew
Get on and enjoy your life as much as you can.It will be one helluva an adjustment as you have obviously been a great father and a husband too.You'll still be Dad btw,fortunately for you you won't be divorcing the kids.
I found once you actually start talking to other blokes you'd be surprised how many have been in exactly the same boat and it's actually a real good ice breaker if you can believe it.Went 5 a side the other month and divorce came up all 5 of us had had a marriage where we ended getting cleaned out by the ex first time we'd ever met!!!
Try not to be miserable you'll be surprised if you are a decent bloke you get to meet a few new birds and that works wonders for putting a smile back on your face.
But be a man all this feminist rubbish about blokes are worthless just srtart being a geezer and they love it really!!!
Man of the nineties was a bleeding scam by women to get the bloke to earn all the dough do the housework and look after the kids whilst they went out with their mates.
Viva Le Caveman!!!
Nows wheres me club I've got to drag a bird back to me cave by her hair and get her to do me housework whilst I drink me tinnies and watch Match of the day ;)lol xxx
All the best
Pete xxx

Cheers Pete, Good attitute to have, made me chuckle that!, ive already decided that thats the stance i'm gonna take as most posts lean me toward the 'caveman' regime again, although you need to be a hard person to instigate that, cos of putting wife, kids and household first for many years and not having a social life, the two things i do are golf and the gym, and as you now neither are a very social hobby, cos the lads i play golf with put their golf gear in the boot and then it's, ''right lads, gota get home, wifes done my dinner''. (go on rub it in lads!) and nobody speaks at the gym, cos they have ipods in or are out of breath and can't be bothered.

I'm sure i will get there, the next bad step will be leaving the FH and then seeing my stbx with another man, that'll hurt.

yeah that one doe get you right in the cahoonas!
Can't paint a pretty picture for that bit,sorry
All the best
Pete

Hi Sandrew,
What a terrible thing to happen. You must be totally devastated (((hug))).

Continue to be true to yourself, and not try to be something you are not.
Wishing you all the best and take care x