What do you have to do to get it right?

After 22 years together and 19 years of marriage (wife 41, myself 48) in april this year my wife told me that she is no longer feeling the same way about me and, no longer 'in love' but still loves me. I'm absolutely gutted, i have never been one of the lads out on the beer all the time iv'e always helped with the house work, i have supported her with her problems, rarely argued, always been my best friend, yet she starts to question her feelings for me, no longer wants an intimate relationship, where did i go wrong, the last thing i want is to be dropped like a hot potato at the age of 48, when i should be starting to enjoy life, where did i go wrong?

I suspect she has changed and is questioning her whole reason for being. This is the classic mid life crisis! You may well find there is much more to things than she is saying. Best advice i can give is not to rush into anything, try not to confront her, try not to judge and try to talk about what she things from life and why she can't get it whilst married. Divorce is not any easy option - especially if you have kids. PM me if you like as your situation is so similar to where i found myself 2 years ago.

All the best

Sandrew i feel for you mate same thing happened to me i think one of the problems for us men is that we now do a lot of things around the house, cook, clean, look after the kids and are generally sensitve and careing and we forget we are "men" and the women loose repect for us and we need to get back to being strong hunter gatherer types again.

I agree Phastasphuk, i feel i put 100% effort into the marriage, not to say that my stbx hasn't, but it's wrong after all the years together to be sort of selfish and say it's time for me now, iv'e looked after you and the kids all these years and she looks at her life and decides, there must be more to life, all be it bursting open the whole family.
I have decided i cannot live a 'brother and sister' type marraige as my stbx wanted us to stay together at first, but now decides it will be better in the long run to seperate,and so am currently finding an appartment so as to move out.

I as many husbands only have friends who are husbands of my wifes mates and therefore they all tend to stay clear not knowing who to side with, i wish now i had kept in touch with my old mates instead of devoting my time and obviously too much of it (as she says many a woman would be more than happy with the way i am, but it's no longer for her)thinking i was doing the right thing by being there, all be it probably to intensley.

Same here i am now 2 years from the divorce and i have slowly build up a circle of mates again like i had when i was 20yrs old
and life is much better but i was so lonely at first cos i just sat in on my own all the time.
I now dont have enough time to fit in all that i want to do and i now seem to be attractive to the opposite sex again, probably because i act and do "man" things again.
Good luck and keep you chin up.

Sandrew

I also had the exact same thing a year ago - seems that by not going out drinking with the lads all the time, helping around the house, helping with bringing up the children, working all hours so that she and the family can have the best - nice house, nice cars, holidays, etc etc etc isn't the thing to do?!!!!

........life became too easy for her, and she decided to destroy us as a family for her own selfish reasons.

It's the kids that suffer the most - take very good care of them and let her go and 'find herself' - she'll soon realise (or not) that life ain't rosy outside

dd

yep, sounds very familiar, but i'm the one moving out, shes staying with the kids, but as usual the bloke struggles to move on because everyting tied up in the house, can't touch equity in home, family thinks i'm wrong for leaving her (wot planet they're on i don't know), so cos of stbx selfish decision, back to square one, life is crap sometimes.