Where do I stand?

Hi, I have found out (18 months ago) that my wife was having an affair and our Marriage is over. Not a good time to try and sell the house so it is not on the market....yet. For the sake of our two sons (13 and 10) - we co-exist in the same house...I have moved downstairs and re-arranged a room for myself.

The reason we co-exist is that she works in London and commutes daily, I do the morning school run, and often the evening... her new man lives in Wales and she has been unable to secure a financially appealing job there to allow her to move....that said I dont know why they don't just shack up.... if they love eachother and then sort out the job situation later - then at least we could end this torment. My eldest has now chosen his options at school and this is very important, I feel she may now not move and keep the boys in their schools here.....admirable, but what about the splitting up and division of chatttels and money from house sale?

We bought the house in 99. I have always paid all the associated bills: morgage, Council Tax, Utilities etc... my wife has bought the food (though I have too). In 2001 I replace all the windows and doors with Double Galzing (I paid £5000 for that) - I put on a Conservatory in 2003 (I paid £8,400 for that) - in 2004 I inherited £42,000 and converted the Bungalow to a house - I paid for that......now all this was fine whilst we were "a family"...... but not now....so where do I stand? She is selling our PT Cruiser and "wants the money from the sale"...so why cant I set aside the £40,000 I put into the house to convert it... why does it not work "both ways?" ..... Solicitor told me if house sold for £280,000 (£200,000 after clearing outstanding Mortgage) it would probably be a 70-30 split...... in her favour _ I would be lucky to achieve 60-40.....but WHY? If (as I was told) "No one is to blame anymore - in a Divorce") why do I feel that 70-30 or 60-40 is not "fair" and even handed then? If and When the house sells I will want a two bed place so that I can have my boys with me also and they can sleep over - I dread the prospect of her staying in the house with the boys and me then living in a dingy flat..... my income now is LESS than hers, as I have left a well paid job - consequent to the "situation" to be home more and near my boys. She effectively earns £4000 a year more than me (basic) and can and has earnt £300 a day when doing some freelance work.

Where on earth do I stand in this as a man who just wnat a fair crack of the whip so that I can live somewhere and have my boys over - and of course so can she...but why oh why 70 -30 or 60-40....I would not be able to fund a one bed place in Hants.

I dont want to hurt / damage my boys start in life - nor my relationship with them if I am seen to be the one "changing" their lives and their home circumstances by going for a Sale...but any advice gratefully received as I have to have a life to - surely? Am just trying to be reasonable as the one who is feeling un-protected in all of this.

I would suggest that you go back to your solicitor nd ask them to go through with you why they think a 70/30 split in her favour would be appropriate. Was thuis advice given as being specific to your circumstances?

It is common for there to be an uneven split in favour of the spouse who will be the main carer for the children, particularly as that parent will usually also be the lower earner.

In your case, it appears that you are the lower earner and are also, at pressent, the main carer for the children. If this is the case, then maybe you should consider whether the best way forward would be for the boys to continue to live with you and have contact with their mother. If she is planning to moeve to Wales and you wish to stay where you are then this would also have the benefit of being the least disruptive for them.

The priority (particulalry where resources are limited) is to ensure that there is a secure home for the children, so an unequal split in favour of the primary carer is appropraite where there are not enough assets to allow both of you to rehouse.

I think you need to look (a) what are the reasonable housing needs you each have - each of you ideally needs a 3 bed. property, suitable for you+boys, could manage in a two bed as the boys could share if need be (b) what can each of you afford? What mortgage capacity do you each have? Your wife's may be higher is she earns more, and if she intends to move in with her new partner their joint mirtgage capcity would be relevent. (c) would either/both of you be able to afford to re-house if the proceeds of sale were split equally? (e.g. look at your mortgge capacity & buying power if you each had a £100,000 deposit.

The over riding aim is to be fair to you both. So far as your contributions are concerned, it would be open to a court to take these into account, however, from what you have said it seems likely that the court will mainly be considering needs, rather than contributions.

Hi Ian,

Like you, I don't understand this 70-30 split in her favour. Surely your solicitor indicated to you as to why this would be the case - it can't be just a random figure he/she plucked out of the air? If your legal representative is not explaining facts to you then maybe you should consider getting someone else to represent your interests. Wishing you all the best.

Herida

Thanks for your response....The solicitor (female...though that should have no bearing???) base that on the fact that it was "likely" that the boys would remian with their mother...no matter what, either living in "our house" - selling and living inanother house in this area because of their schooling...or her going to wales and taking them with her! The fact that she currently earns more doesnt seem to matter???? (now that I have given up a very good job in Salisbury) I took the job as we were "apparently" going to move that way to be nearer to her folks - but now have had to take what I can get to be back in this area... it also seems that my Pension is up for grabs (as it is an income) - but when i mentioned hers then...uh err - no go!!! I just dont get it?

Thanks for your response....The solicitor was dealing with the specifics of my circumsatances and my Wifes viz-a-viz job/earning/pension etc....my pension now has to supplement my wage in the job I have taken to be back in area, as I have dropped £8,000 to do so....the "split scenarios painted to me were based on the fact that it was "likely" that the boys would remain with their mother...no matter what, either living in "our house" - selling and living in another house in this area because of their schooling...or her going to Wales and taking them with her! The fact that she currently earns more did not seem to matter???? (now that I have given up a very good job in Salisbury) I took the job as we were "apparently" going to move that way to be nearer to her folks - but now have had to take what I can get to be back in this area... it also seems that my Pension is up for grabs (as it is an income) - but when I mentioned hers then - not that I actually want to go tit fo tat and make this acrimonious - i just want to be able to rebuild my life in the wake of her decision to be with somone else - breaking that marriage Contract (why do we bother - it holds no clout in law?) So...uh err - no go on that front!!! I just dont get it?

I don't think you should pay any attention to what your wife says about settlements. As to your pension and hers - they are both assets and both should be considered. If yiour sol is advising they shouldn't you need to find out why.

Firstly you need to consider if you want custody of your boys as you are the primary carer; they and the court may prefer that they didn't move to Wales. Also you may want to consider a 3-house scenario - current place where the boys stay and you and your wife alternate staying there, every week or so - joint custody. Also you should be able to stop or get half the money from the sale of the car. If you are already drawing your pension, that may be better.

even if she gets custody, you may have a good case for less than 70/50 in her favour.

You need to list ages, length of mrg/cohab, assets, incomes, expenses, mortgage, pensions, etc. for better advice though most info is there.