My husband left me and my son

At the beginning of july my husband stayed in a hotel for a week, leaving me and my 20 month old son. he came home the following saturday to tell me he had moved into a flat the day before and had signed a lease for 6 months. i was in total shock.

because of our relationship and the lack of talking i suffered with quite bad post natal depression. he was no support at all.

i am still in the marital home with our son and my husband comes one day on a weekend and also 2 night per week, when i am working. my son hasnt been to his flat yet.

i am fightened and feel very isolated. i feel my parents (divorced 18 years ago) not supportive emotionally.

my husband is blaming everything and says he had no choice but to leave.

i feel so angry. i feel hate. i am finding it hard to feel close to my son, but i love him so much. i think this is still pnd.

any advice appreciated. we have been to relate, it hasnt help the relationship, although i have learnt a few things. do i say thats it and head for divorce, or just do nothing?

hi, welcome and sorry to hear your story.

Do nothing for now - emotions are very raw, give time for things to settle down.

You are in the FMH and your husband is involved with the child - both good signs.

Do you want to elaborate on the reasons why your husband left? Maybe he is going through some crisis and is confused? He has certainly not abandoned either of you and is being somewhat supportive.

just take things slowly and work on it.

Hi if your husband hasn't supported you when you had pnd then really does he care and love you? You've tried with relate but I don't think its gonna work unless he changes.

Its OK to feel angry and hate. Some people say the deeper your love the more you will hate.It will pass and anger is not always a negative emotion, it may help you move on when you feel the time is right.

Right now you need love and support not to be blamed by him.Do you have any friends you can confide in cos that's what you really need. They won't judge or blame you, just listen and comfort hopefully.

Enjoy the feeling of love for your son, that can't be taken away cos that's yours and yours only.

Try and keep strong. I wouldn't do anything until you feel stronger in yourself and feel you can cope. Just think of yourself and your son for a while.

Good luck

Hi Both and thanks for replying so late..

i felt like i was never good enough and was always trying to please. we have been together 12 yrs in total, married for 4. we met when i was 21, he is 7 yrs older. he treats me like a child, is v patronising and critical. he wont talk in depth about anything and just gets very angry. in fact when this happens i am pleased he has gone, for my sons sake. if i was having an off day, he would reply "i need help" and i am "not normal". i have lost all confidence and am living for my son with limited support from anyone. he is now behaving like nothing has happened and he thinks he can come back when he pleases. i dont know what i ever saw in him, but i am very sad. especially for my son

Hi lonelyplace

I suffered from PND with my 3 children and my ex was of no support what so ever - (my mother died shortly before the birth of our first one, second was born 361 days later and third 4 1/2 years after the first) - they are now 17, 16 and 13.

Your son is young therefore take the time to concentrate on yourself and your son.

You state:
"my husband is blaming everything and says he had no choice but to leave"

Sorry to sound harsh but this is a common excuse for a guilty conscience!

Of course you feel angry and frightened but your son will pull you through this horrendous period in your life - honestly.

Contact your health visitor in relation to PND - you will receive all the help that you need then deal with everything else.

Best wishes

it would be good if you could let him know that he can't just come back when he pleases cos its not fair on you or your son. Its disrespectful and it would make me feel very insecure if someone did that to me. Try not to be sad for your son, better he grows up with a happy mum than to see her unsupported by his dad, being criticised and belittled cos he might think its Ok to treat you like that and girlfriends. Your deserve love and respect. It must have been terrible to never feel good enough.

I have been divorced now for 7 years but was in relationship where my needs were not heard, I wasn't respected and yet I had to give my all day in day out. Unfortunately when I do have contact with my ex (we have 2 children) it is still the same, though I try to stand up for myself now.

Take care x

thats men - they dont talk in depth about anything except sports, politics and the intricate workings of some gadget. But not good if he gets angry and belittles you, is tis recent? Looks like he may already be regreting it if he pretends it didn't happen. And men find it difficult to say sorry. Sorry, but thats how things are.