Don't know what to do....

Hi again - It sounds like you are doing what you need to do for yourselfl and your child. Please keep strong. You asked about books, please have a look at the library on this site. It has lots of useful information and books you might find helpful.

Is it possible for you to suggest to your h that you separate for a while? That might help you feel more able to work things out and cope with the decisions you are making.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are getting on.

Take care, Bon

Thanks Bon. Separation might be a good idea.
Need to take things one step at a time.
x

I believe in lie detector tests. On JK show, those that say the lie detector was wrong often come back on the show and then tell the truth!

It worked with my X, welll we didn't do one, but the threat was enough to tell the truth to me (eventually). However, thinking about it, he used to sniff when he lied, so thats all I really needed to have considered.

Jo x

If you think you need a lie detector test to find out the truth, that means you don't trust your partner to be truthful with you.

Whether or not you find out your partner lied about a particular detail, you still have a fundamental problem of lack of trust in the relationship.

If someone generally has difficulty trusting people, this is an issue for them to work on before they are likely to be able to have a committed relationship. But, if the person questioning their partner is generally trusting of people, and/or has been trusting of their partner in the past, chances are there is a good reason why they are not feeling trusting at present.

If you are interested in possibly saving the relationship, I would suggest counselling rather than a lie detector test for two reasons; (a) if the lie detector test says he was telling you the truth about the particular question you thought to ask, you'll probably just feel like you need another one in six months when you're next gut instinct tells you to - hardly the basis of a good relationship(b) it won't address the reasons why you feel you don't trust him, nor help you to communicate with each other about what's going on.

On the other hand, if you don't think the relationship is salvagable through addressing this trust issue, you also don't need the lie detector test to justify leaving. The fact that you are in a relationship with someone you cannot fundamentally trust, and that it's not fixable, is enough.