dont know what to do

Morning all

Im just getting ready to spend the weekend with a man I have "met" from here!!!!!!

London, (separate rooms), theatre, London Eye, etc. etc..

Huge experience as I am 3 years post separation, 2 years post divorce.

I am 49. Went through a horrific time 3 years ago when my ex told me he had shagged all manner of women, including his own sister throughout the time we were going out, married. This information knocked me for 6. (Since found out he did the same throughout his first marriage and his sister says that yes he tried it on with her lots, but she never had sex with him).

Twenty plus years I spent with this man, 3 beautiful teenage daughters.

Never ever thought I would settle down, maybe I never will, but time is a fantastic healer. Never thought I could trust again, but the strange thing is you can't change who you are. I am naturally a trusting person. I believe people, see good in people and I always will.

If I do every meet someone I want to settle down with, it will be someone I can't live without, not someone I can live with.

I think when one has their family and has gone through a divorce, eventually (as in my case) being alone (2 daughters still live at home, but do their own thing) is a fantastic experience. I actually love it. Nobody to dictate the TV viewing, no one to wash, cook, answer to.

I can't believe I am saying this, but I would love to love again. That doesn't mean I want to live with someone again. The fear will be there that my security might be threatened and I don't want to be homeless when I go into retirement.

This site has taught me a special lesson. No all men are b#####ds. And alot of women are b#####s.

This weekend will be fun, exciting and you never know, a great friendship may result.

So to all you wikkis out there who are newly separated, devastated, lonely, frightened and the rest. There is life out there with decent human beings. Not all men/women are like our exes.

Jo x

I feel like a teenager going on a first date

Sometimes thinking about getting a social life back sends me into a deep deep depression which at times is more hurtfull than anything ive never been much of a soial butterfly ive always been happy to stay at home with the family so now ive no idea how to get back into any kind of social thing at all or even want to at the moment, but, it does add to my worries and i stress myself out thinking about it!

I feel exactluy the same Whitepetal. At 52 with no close friends as devoted myself to my family i just don't know where to start. No close relatives either apart from my kids 19 & 15 but they have their own lives and don't want to be with me all the time. A lonely old age beckons at the moment

No, no, no!

Please don't think negatively. I was 46 when I left my husband. I felt my life was over absolutely. No family, only acquaintance, I wasn't working and I wasn't just overweight, I was 20 stone!!!!!!

3 years down the line, 7 stone lighter, life is fantastic. It has been a long haul, but I not only don't want to die, I want to live like there is no tomorrow.

52 is no age. Lulu is 60 - has lots of male friends, but no one in particular, because she loves being single, her choice.

Spend the time you would have spent on your loser stbxs, to pamper yourselves, do what you want, eat what you want.

My girls are 19, 16 and 14 and they have their own lives. But they will come shopping with me!

This is not the end for you. This is the beginning. Your life is now a blank canvass, paint it whatever colours you like. Its up to you.

Believe me, I am testamony to the fact that one day you will feel absolutely nothing for your ex, but everything for the new life you have made for yourself.

Jo x

Thanks Jo , I so want to beleive what you say but at the moment it is so hard, I hope you have a lovely weekend you so deserve it.

Excuse me ladies but I'm in a rush and I've got one thing to add to my earlier comments...

I'm 67 years old and you're just young things by comparison!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Try starting again at my age. You know what though? You need never feel lonely when you've got good people on wiki who will boost your mood and stick by you until you reach the stage when you do want to get new friends of either sex. (Although I stick by what I said is appropriate for me - No more men!)

Take care. Have a better day than yesterday and hopefully a day only a little bit less good than tomorrow will be. If you get my drift.

Love
Mitchum x

Julie

Of course its hard. Its bloody awful. You have the divorce to get through - my advice is to get it over with quickly, then you have the finances to sort out.

I got the equity from the house (170,000), plus 20,000 endowment, plus 500 per month SM for 5 years. However, ex lost his job (forced to resign from police force) soon after and is a much lower paid job so I don't get any SM and Im lucky if I get any CM. Might end up going to the CSA.

Anyway, I bought a much smaller house, the girls cried, it was disgusting. That was 2 years ago, November 26th to be exact. No heating, freezing cold, wouldn't have let a dog live in that house.

Anyway, got a small mortgage and used the money to get the house sorted asap.

Of course it is still a small house! But it is mine, all mine! I chucked out every piece of furniture from the MH and replaced it all with Ikea stuff. Cheap, cheerful and functional.

Love this house now. Really really love it.

I think once the divorce and the finances are sorted and you are properly free, you will begin to start again.

Men/women who leave their spouses for another are usually inadequate, insecure people. They are quite happy living within their marriages and would never leave unless they have someone to go to. Shows a massive weakness.

I believe you need a period alone before you start a new life with someone else. That time enables you to reasses who you are because of course being with someone for many years changes you and if you go from one partner to another you are taking alot of negativities.

I have found that I am very much like my 18 year old fun loving self these days. I dance alot to the radio, sing loudly (much to my daughters' disgust) and paint my toenails! Little things that I did pre marriage which I can't remember doing much at all within my marriage.

Being free of a partner and having to do so much for yourself, rely so much on yourself, teaches you an awful lot.

So get the divorce, finances out of the way as soon as possible. Keep your ex out of your life as much as possible and concentrate on you.

Jo x