dont know what to do

Knowing what he is doing may not help. I see my wife's "special" friend's car at her flat and my mind races to the worst. She left 8 weeks ago so I'm still angry all the time. I have to learn to let her go and talking about it helps. I mirror the advice here in suggesting you talk to your GP for help or just find one person who will listen and talk it through with them.

I am 49, 3 years split, 2 years post divorce and I feel absolutely wonderful!

But I can honestly say it is in the last 6 months that I have felt like this.

Previous wikkis advice is invaluable. I got help from counsellors, my GP who prescribed me with tablets "to take the edge of the pain".

My daughters were 11, 13 and 15 at the time. I wanted to die. I had acquaintances, but no real friends. No family around (brothers and father in other countries) and I didn't work. I felt totally isolated.

I did strange things, like go walking through the night, I cried alot, questioned alot (my husband wanted us to stay married), doubted myself, had to get a divorce, sort everything out, sell the MH, buy a smaller one.

I think the first 6 months are the worse, I was in a kind of daze (my ex told me he had shagged about, but was very sorry and wanted to continue the marriage). I was in shock. I thought I was stupid because I didn't know.

Counselling was brilliant. You just talk and talk and they just listen.

Relate is fabulous. There is a charge, but if you can't afford it you don't have to pay.

All the pain, anxiety, fear you go through are part of the healing process. You are mourning a death and without the feelings that go through it, you can't cross over to a better place.

I didn't kinow about this site when I was going through my "hell".

Keep posting on here and I promise you you will get through the horrid place you are in now. Consider it simply as a dark tunnel with a fabulous light waiting at you at the other end.

Jo x

Whitepetal
I hope you've taken some comfort from the realisation that what we think is happening just to us is being experienced by so many. It doesn't make it hurt any less but it helps to put it into perspective a little.

When my husband told me it was over after 21 years I was devastated and in so much emotional pain that it felt like my chest was going to burst.(His affair fell through but he didn't just go; we've lived together for over a year - completion day today for sale of our home)

I have had a long and difficult journey and never believed I could get through to the way I feel today. Shaken but not as stirred!!!

The tears still come but they get easier to blink away. The humiliation of being abandoned for another woman - now several other women I gather! still hurts but I can think of him now as a fool. He's 64 and at that age is sleeping around. I don't even want to know him now after loving him so much. I'll never forgive him and I'm glad he's no longer in my life. He's not the man I married.

Getting through this is a bit like getting over being very ill. Your body and mind are sick at the moment and need care and support. You will find it here and you must return often and lean on the support of your wiki friends.

Mitchum xx

Mitchum

Men? We can't live with em, we can't live without em, lol

Jo x

Thank you so much everyone, this site and the people on it are fantastic. We have all been through so much. I havn't really been on here alot sinse i joined and to be honest i didnt even think i would get a reply at first, it just helped me to write it down, i have a feeling i will be on here much more as i feel i need the support and as the days/weeks go on the reality is startting to hit me hard and somehow im forgetting all the bad times and rembering the good times more and more.

Thank you again everyone.

Jo
I will be living in a man-free zone from now on! Strange as I've always worked with a lot of men sometimes the only woman in an all male place and always socialised with the men from work.

Seriously, who needs this again at my age? I never want to feel that hurt again. When trust is so damaged to trust another would take a huge leap of faith.

For younger people it's very important when the healing's complete to get back into a social life. It would be very sad if younger men and women were so scarred from one experience that they never loved again.

Mitchum wrote:

Jo

Seriously, who needs this again at my age? I never want to feel that hurt again. When trust is so damaged to trust another would take a huge leap of faith.

For younger people it's very important when the healing's complete to get back into a social life. It would be very sad if younger men and women were so scarred from one experience that they never loved again.

How old are you? 95??! Seriously, though, I think it's important for people at any age to get back into some kind of social life. The social life I get involved in in my 50's is a whole different piece of cake than the one in my 20's, but I can't imagine not getting back into it...eventually...I just don't picture a man in the social life at the moment, but I also refuse to think that one idiotic man could ruin what is a generally very nice gender. I think of my grandmother at the age of 48 having lost my grandfather - her social life went on, but she was never involved with a man again (at least that anyone in her family was ever aware of). I always thought she seemed very sad and don't want to be like that.