Looking for friendly advice

norfolkguy wrote:

£500 up-front my solicitor wants to commence proceedings

One word of caution: stalling the mortgage MAY be a possibility; stalling sols bills will not. If you can't take on the mortgage alone, you'll be unlikely to meet legal costs.

If this is going to be a fight; that fight might set you back £15,000-£60,000 (realistically based on what wiki users are spending)
You have made a fair offer to give her the house; but if she applies for spousal support (and you are ORDERED to pay the mortgage) then you'll just have to do that; as many wiki-users have found if judgment goes against them.

What she has done will have no bearing on what you have to pay out.... all grossly UNFAIR (in moral standing) but your moral consideration won't stand for anything in proceedings.

Again, if you post the information relevent to YOUR circumstances; incomes, ages, pensions, kids, etc.... wiki can give you a ballpark BEFORE you spend thousands at the sols office before you likely hear the same thing.

Great news, the bank were really good,and totally understanding. I now have up to 6 months mortgage holiday and can now get on with paying for a divorce and getting a rented place.

I realise now just how much I want to be seperated, then divorced, so I can just live my remaining life in peace. I'm starting the process this very day and will be forcing the pace as much as I can. After all I only live once so why do so unhappy?

norfolkguy wrote:

Great news, the bank were really good,and totally understanding. I now have up to 6 months mortgage holiday and can now get on with paying for a divorce and getting a rented place.

I realise now just how much I want to be seperated, then divorced, so I can just live my remaining life in peace. I'm starting the process this very day and will be forcing the pace as much as I can. After all I only live once so why do so unhappy?

You have every right to live life out in peace, happiness and contentment - we all do.

You know that you have made the right decsion for you - and while it wont have been an easy decsion, you can now, at least, start looking forwards, to a better life and future for you.

I wish you all the luck, happiness and love you so richly deserve.

Keep us updated

ruby

norfolk guy,

I am so glad you have got some support from the bank. That is good news and will make the next few months a little easier.

Just be warned though that you are likely to have a lot of mud thrown at you. Someone who abuses alcohol as your stbx does is unlikely to be reasonable or rational .
In my case I divorced an alcoholic. In court he said he has been an alcoholic since 1971 - we married in 89! I had no idea. It was only brought home to me after he lost his job and started to fall apart. Incidentally he now claims to have been teetotal for a matter of weeks ... hmmm .. have heard that one too many times before.

Despite everything I did - paying the mortgage - including remortgages to pay debts, all the household bills and bringing up 3 children and desperately trying to get him to accept help, somehow everything that happened is still all my fault and he has spent the past two years since divorce proceedings commenced putting me through hell over the finances.

The best advice I can give you is to find the mildest possible UB grounds to divorce on - don't stoke the fires any more than you need to, and work out a fair financial settlement that takes into account the possible costs of going through the courts if you cannot agree between you.

Go and check out the costs of one bedroom properties and work out if a combination of splitting the equity in the FMH and you each obtaining a mortgage will be enough to fund them .. and don't forget about pensions.If your pension pot is larger than hers, you may need to give her a larger share of the equity so you may preserve your pension.

Whatever you do, do not let any solicitor drag you into a tit for tat campaign or suggest you should raise her conduct as an issue. If you want the remortgages ate to be a factor, list them under contributions - although this would only be an issue of there is morethan enough cash to house you both which it does not cound like there is.

Four years after he crashed out of our lives and two years on from the start of divorce proceeding, I am a much happier person. But I am still dealing with the fallout from the damage he has caused to the children.

You deserve to have a much happier life. Living with an alcoholic really is no picnic. You will be surprised how much better real life is .

Godd luck and keep us posted..

Hadenoughnow

hadenoughnow wrote:

Living with an alcoholic really is no picnic. You will be surprised how much better real life is

..agree totally with what hen has posted... and once you are away from your ex (despite that you'll hanker for the good times and wish things were only different) the sad fact is that living with the mood swings and the agression can make your life hell.

As my GP said "His illness is making you ill"

One day; when the dust settles - you will be in a better place as hen is, and I almost am! (Just two more weeks for me!)

Ok, latest instalment (getting fed up of me yet??).

Some great news this week, or I think so. Found a new solicitor (lovely lady) who has suggested a stage by stage approach to keep costs down, and she has already sent me a draft of her proposed letter to my wife which is very well worded and should get a response (I hope). This outlines my divorce grounds and should be impossible to deny so hopefully it may go uncontested.

Also I've been accepted by the landlord of a nice house I saw, and he has agreed a reduction in the asking rent for 6 months. The house is fully furnished to a great standard and close to my work. He wants a long term tenant for his investment property, and I want to settle and not move again soon, so hopefully a win-win. Should be able to move in about 10 days once references are sorted.

Bank say that if settlement cannot be reached on the house then it would eventually be repossesed, but as manager points out there is virtually no equity now anyway so what have I lost. I expect this now to be resolved anyway.

For once the light at the end of that long tunnel is burning brighter! Thanks to all who have contributed, and I feel for those of you with horror stories of your own to relate to, but sorry I'm determined to have a smile on my face from now on no matter what is thrown at me.

As they say, today is the first day of the rest of my life!!!!!

Hallo Norfolk guy!

Glad things are more positive. Quite often, the hardest step is the decision to separate. Once you start taking action to change your life you start feeling better.

Its only since my husband moved out that I have realised how much my own needs were pushed aside. I am feeling so much more confident now than I was.

Hope all works out well and this is the start of better things ahead.