Hallo

Thanks Zara.

I think he just wants to carry on being "friends" whilst having the excitement of a newer, younger model (who apparently has my best interests at heart,, yeah, right). He doesn't get that he has irrevocably damaged our relationship and that as soon as our children have grown up I don't want to have anything further to do with him.

Hello,

I just thought I'd comment on something Sera wrote:

Females need to be more actively sexual; because they produce just one egg a month; so we need to be biologically sexually active to ensure reproduction takes place in that brief cycle

That suggests that once a lady becomes menopausal she'll become less active sexually.

This is not my experience.

I would not dream of asking the lovely Wiki ladies to comment, but Gentlemen of The Board I ask you for your thoughts .....

YA

Hi Ann
As your children are 14 and 15 it is not too much of a problem 'not having anything to do with him' I know you dont want their lives to be made miserable, but they at least will be able to make their own decisions as to where and when they see their dad.
'Friends' only a very few cases end up along these lines.
I would not even try to be 'friends' just amicable for your children. I am sure you have loads of lovely friends, you do not need him as a 'friend'. You will get even more hurt in the long run.
I am sure you do not want him around your place, crying on your shoulder when the latest fondant fancy's expiry date is up!!!! That is the sort of thing that can happen, seen it a few times with my friends. Even more hurtful to contend with at a future date.
Just take great care of yourself and your children.
zara

Yes, the friends thing came up too. Apparently he hoped if it does not work out between us that we can be friends (he has no friends left as everyone turn away from him after he left us and he admitted that she has no real friends either who she could talk to. So in a way she is completely under his control and to be honest serves her right.)
I had no contact with him for 2 months and that helped enormously. If our boys need something they can contact him themselves and they do that.
I do not want him in the house and made it clear to him. He does not like it but I am not backing off.
When I see him now I just feel contempt. I don't know how I managed to put up with him for so long and kept finding excuses for his apalling behaviour.

Petrof

Young again wrote:

That suggests that once a lady becomes menopausal she'll become less active sexually.

This is not my experience.

No certainly not meaning that! In fact women who are not strung out, stressed and tired with young kids find a whole new lease of life post menopause. My 'theory' was based on studies that were reported on in the London Evening Standard.

I don't think men whould excuse their phillandering habits on "nature" (making them do it)

Ann Onymous wrote:

I think he just wants to carry on being "friends" whilst having the excitement of a newer, younger model

He needs you in his life (of course, 31 years is all of your adult life togther!) But in hoping to remain 'Friends' he's asking you to wear a different hat. ie; he's filled the post of Wife/Partner/Significant Other...with the newer model, and has a vacancy for you to be demoted to 'FRIEND'

You're parents to your children, you can still stand side-by-side at School Open evenings; Sports Days and eventually the kids weddings, christenings etc.
But that's pretty much the extent he needs to be in yourlife. You don't need to be exposed to how great life is for him. The kids are old enough to call him and see him of thier own accord.

.......unless of course you're happy to re-invent a new role for yourself!?

Hello Ann, sorry to hear you're going through this too, you did right to come to Wikki as everyone here are so helpful & supportive. You say you're worrying about the future, but what ive come to learn is that if you stop thinking of the future & just live in today, in this moment, then you will cope much easier with tomorrow & what it brings. 'A day at a time' is the best quote i ever heard when i felt panicky about my future. I really do just live in the moment today, i cant change the past & bring my stbx back and be happy again with him, and i doubt i can make a difference to the world in the future lol but what i can do is try to be strong, just for today, and trust that nothing will be as bad as i feared. Take care,
Cindygirl