I'm lost

My husband left for another woman. she is the 17th woman in our 17 year marriage. this time he wants a divorce which is in the process. I feel intensley jealous of her and cannot accept it is over.I forgave him after each affair and took him back unconditionly. Does anyone have advice on how to cope. I have sat and read books on coping and coming to terms with it, but it still haunts me. Why cant i just forget him and her and move on. Deep down I still hope he will come back.

hi flowers

welcome to wiki hun...and big hugs to you...

this is awfall !! your putting yourself through this everytime...can i please ask why ? ok daft question because you love him...sorry.....

flowers, i didnt mean that to sound harsh but god 17 affairs in 17 years ?

i thought mine having 1 in the 15 years we were together was bad enough....

how has this happened ? have you spoken about it ? does he talk to you ? does he tell you why he has these affairs ? he cant love you surely ?

hhmm maybe im talking out of turn here and im sorry, really, but i just cant believe that you havent got out of this marriage yourself before...this isnt good for you....

my advice to you right now is get rid of him, hes bought you nothing but sadness in the years you have been together....you are worth so much more.....you deserve to be happy like we all do....

please please think about you right now and your future....and please dont let my words put you off coming here, i guess it just angers me that this has happened to you so many times - im still raw from my own situ i guess.........

take care of yourself flowers.....and please let us know how things are going.....

Daisy
xx

Hi Flowers

Welcome to wiki, you will receive tons of support and advice here, and do pop into chat when you feel the need for some company.

You are in the very early stages of a difficult journey, but there is hope and a new life at the end, trust me.

Your husband had 17 affairs in 17 years ? That is a serial adulterer. Are you truly sure that this is a man that you want in your life ? And you say that you forgave him every time? Perhaps, this just gave him a green light to go out and do it again and again? Knowing that he would be forgiven.

As to recovery it happens for each person at a different rate. It's like grief and you have to work through each of them in your time, sometimes you will get stuck in one stage and struggle to move on and sometimes you will slip back but, eventually you will reach acceptance. After acceptance will come healing and that's when you will truly be able to move on.

I don't think there's a book written that can help, it's down to the individual and their attitude. It's also a time to be utterly selfish and to allow yourself to wallow, cry and rant.

Try to look after yourself, eat well, do some exercise, avoid alcohol if you can, it can make the depression worse. Think about things that you have wanted to do but have never had the time. Think about counseling to help you through as well.

Regarding the ow it sounds as if she's going to have a rocky road ahead. He won't change, the die is cast. Replace jealousy with pity. As the saying goes "When a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy "

Good luck

XXX Fleur XXX

Hi Flowers

Oh you poor thing - why is your self esteem so low you believe you don't deserve any better than this?

Please go and get some counselling. Somehow, somewhere can you see that you have been treated terribly with a lack of respect and care?

Don't question why you can't forgive. Once maybe, twice at a push but 17 times? You shouldn't forgive - not in these circumstances.

Have you friends and family to support you? Please put yourself first for once.

Sending you peace and strength.

SadEyes

I totally agree with daisy u've been treated like a door mat wiping his dirty feet all over you.

Tell him the Doormats clean now and he's not wiping his feet on it again thats what I said. I have had the locks changed.

Talk about wanting his cake and eat it he's had a gateaux

You want some one who loves you for you not for what you allow him to do and thats what your doing. I did the same mine has done it three times and I allowed it to happen by accepting him back but come on enonough is enough think about the future you could be having without wondering what he's up to

Get out now and gain your self respect and dignity you deserve better as do we all

take care

chrissy(((((hugs)))))

Hi sadeyes, thankyou so much for your kind words, I dont have friends of my own now as my friends were his also, but here's to new beginings, take care, debs

Hi daisy, thankyou for your message, I think I have lost my confidence as my husband controlled everything in our lives, so glad I found wiki today, take care, debs