i cnt find the beginning of this post but ive gleaned what it was about and i really wanted to offer the original poster my support after two marragies and three long term relationships id never been cheated on id never been hurt like 'this' and i can absoloutely eqaute with the two and froing that the other poster 'chrissy' is talking about, excellent post girly
my 'tale' i rushed into marraige two knowing husband for only six months prior to marraige, i was blinded by love, and adored him, he was on perfect behavioru till a month after we married
then he swore at me and my kids
shouted slammed doors
huffed and puffed
and i think hed have punched the house down in the end, he BROKE me financially and emotionally
i threw him out for all our sakes but it KILLED i KNEW i had to do it but the HURT
was tripled when within two hours his sister, his lovely sister with the insight of a pig (sorry piggys) orchestrated his reunion with the girl he was with before me, and get this, she sent her love to him via the sister thru me the night before our marraige....he never cheated whilst with me, but honestly THREE DAYS before he poked her
and then he told me 'its you im .....ing' 'its your face i see''' i stupidly beleived him because i loved him so much and couldnt contemplate life without him
if it wasnt for the fact i am going for sole residency of my babies after being in a refuge last year, and the state my eldest were in, i would have taken him back as i adored him the pain was too much
feeling wise he chased me for four weeks, and it was so hard saying no no no when my groin wanted to say 'yes yes yes' i fancied him like mad, but at the end of the day he had lived with her as husband and wife since the weekend i threw him out and i knew i could never expect him not to return to her, whenver wed have an arugment even if hed had a brain and personality transplant and had been and stayed mr normal, i would have known that SHE was waiting in the wings getting updates on our marragie from the sister and the family from hell
and the post where chrissy says the only reason i didnt take him back again was because i had to go through the pain second time round is SO true, thats all that gave me the strength to get through the last five weeks is that this pain is for once and once only. its all i would have known and lived with if i had stayed with him and even if im worth nothing, i dont HAVE to live like that
as i said to someone else there is often pressure from friends and family to move on and upwards and after six months if you still cry you are considered weak or defunctional, c r a p people recover in their own time i was only married for seven months, someone whose been married for twenty years is GOING to take years to get over it and it shouldnt be expected that they can 'have' a crisis just for the first year, its taken me twenty years to get over my mums death when i was seventeen, and i still miss her now
and we slip. you cant turn your feelings off 'just like that' lets face it i felt a t w a t when i took him back for a night, i knew what people would say, i felt weak and was weak, too weak to be without him and i hated it, i knew i was being weak and there was no strength in me to do any other, so if you slip remember it doesnt matter you just take your time you take it day by day and one day their will be a time when things are bad enough for you to reach rock bottom.....and....come back up
i say this because i was with someone for eight long years it was as my last marraige has been adoration from me, and treated like scum by him, he finished with me some eleven times, tried to throw hismelf under a train when i finished with him once (wasnt an intercity mores the pity) (and i cudnt push cos i was clinging onto mychildren)(damn that) it got to the point where he wanted to watch me cut my own writst as i was so unworthy this was my elder childrens father, i wasnt allowed to speak unless spoken to, and as you can probably tell, im a talker, it took eight years and at least seven months of sheer abuse towards me and the kids to find the courage to end it, and it wasnt courage i was just too damn tired, so this time, ok i slipped twice, but i managed to get rid of him and find my feet within five weeks
someone said 'thirty six four kids two different dads and two divorces next year, quite a life' oh yes and then there my sons open heart surgery mums death etc refuge etc who CARES i dont SEE this second divorce as a failure ANYMORE even though im catholic because ive grown more in the past five weeks than i have in the past two years, and ive still got a long way to go
its never to late
doesnt matter how many times you try and fail
just rmeember take your time and do it at YOUR pace wether thats ending a relationship or wether its trying to cope and not managing without the numpty you still love
and remember
on here we are friends
and we are ALL rooting for you
