new and down

I am a 32 year old father of two who was told on his 7th wedding anniversary that I was no longer loved by his wife. She claimed no one else was involved, she did nt want anyone else and she just wanted to be with the children on her own. Within days and week of splitting she was regularly texting, picture messageing and phoneing a number which belonged to a male, I found this out by her Sept/ Oct itemised phone bill. She told me lies all the way through our 3 month split,saying that on recent works nights out that she was staying at friends or back at the marital home. I have proof she was in a hotel on both occassions,first of which was 3 and a half weeks after we split and the second some 7 weeks, on this occasion she even used my name for her fella. She somehow anticipated me knowing about the first hotel and had a story prepared, even that had holes in it so I knew it was lies. She did not however expect me to know about the second hotel and was guilty as charged when I confronted her. She had constently lied to me througout the first two months insisting there was no one else. I confronted her with the facts (as mentioned)that were contrary to her lies and she niether denied or confirmed them, instead refusing to talk to me on the subject leading to frustration and a complete breakdown of amicable (not that she was being that anyway) relations. Now she moved my children from the marital home, changed my daughters school without my consent and has left me with mortgage and all the bills I cannot afford. I am in limbo with my free charity solicitor and fear I will have to start paying through the nose in solictors fee's also. I have not deserved any of this.
She did claim that she had never lied to me, as she was moving out that canged to she never lied when we were married after that she owes me nothing. Given the fact that my wife is not a frivilous woman, she must have had feelings for or started a fling with someone previous to our marriage ending. If not she fancied someone and then went out and got them staright away. I feel so hurt by her silence, lack of remorse and now arrogance. She refuses to talk about it and claims the marriage was over and she is not seeing anyone else currently. I m confused and don't believe anything she says. I m still unsure who this person is and I need closure for my own sanity. I ve not seen my kids for over a week a she stopped me but I will see them this weekend.

One question, she says that the marriage was over, but within weeks she was sleeping with someone. In the eyes of the law we are seperated, bt it is nt morrally right is it? She does nt seem to be bothered, but its completely against her charachter which is why its so confusing?

Hi Mark

Welcome to wiki, and sorry that you find yourself in this horrible situation.

Betrayal, one of the most heartbreaking feelings to have experienced. Your wife sounds as though she has already moved on emotionally and you have not stopped spinning yet.

There will be so many emotions to deal with, so will need to try and make things a little easier for yourself.

As far as bills are concerned, if you are living in a property on your own you will get council tax at single persons rate. Contact your building society and ask for a 6 months mortgage holiday. At least that will give you a few months to get yourself on your feet. I not a mortgage holiday, interest only payments.

I am not sure about your rights as far as the children's school is concerned, but I am sure someone will be able to advise you further on this. Although you are perfectly entitled to have information sent to you from the school and to be kept up to date.

It will take time before you will be able to see things clearly, you are hurt and upset, and no, you did not deserve this, but you are going to have to be strong and make sure that you deal with it all. That is where wiki comes into its own. There are many on here that have been through the same, still going through the same and they will be able to help you through the rollercoaster rides that will be thrown at you when you least expect it.

Be careful as far as solicitors are concerned, make sure that you know what you are wanting, and talking about. If you look at the forum Divorce Lawyer has started a thread, if you complete this then perhaps it might give you more of an idea as to what to expect from this all.

You take care Mark, we are here to help you, go into chat inbetween 6 and 8, Amanda, Divorce Lawyer will be there to answer any of your questions. There might be a few in there.

Keep posting, and keep your chin up. Use wiki as much as you can. It will prove invaluable to you.

best wishes
zara

Zara2008 wrote:

Hi Mark

Welcome to wiki, and sorry that you find yourself in this horrible situation.

Betrayal, one of the most heartbreaking feelings to have experienced. Your wife sounds as though she has already moved on emotionally and you have not stopped spinning yet.

There will be so many emotions to deal with, so will need to try and make things a little easier for yourself.

As far as bills are concerned, if you are living in a property on your own you will get council tax at single persons rate. Contact your building society and ask for a 6 months mortgage holiday. At least that will give you a few months to get yourself on your feet. I not a mortgage holiday, interest only payments.

I am not sure about your rights as far as the children's school is concerned, but I am sure someone will be able to advise you further on this. Although you are perfectly entitled to have information sent to you from the school and to be kept up to date.

It will take time before you will be able to see things clearly, you are hurt and upset, and no, you did not deserve this, but you are going to have to be strong and make sure that you deal with it all. That is where wiki comes into its own. There are many on here that have been through the same, still going through the same and they will be able to help you through the rollercoaster rides that will be thrown at you when you least expect it.

Be careful as far as solicitors are concerned, make sure that you know what you are wanting, and talking about. If you look at the forum Divorce Lawyer has started a thread, if you complete this then perhaps it might give you more of an idea as to what to expect from this all.

You take care Mark, we are here to help you, go into chat inbetween 6 and 8, Amanda, Divorce Lawyer will be there to answer any of your questions. There might be a few in there.

Keep posting, and keep your chin up. Use wiki as much as you can. It will prove invaluable to you.

best wishes
zara

Thanks Zara

I have already contacted and visited the new school and it has grade 1 for everything in Ofsted report so now qualms there. I am concerned however at the effect it will have on my girl as she was in one school on a Tuesday and then a new one the following monday without much notice, same with living arrangements. My solicitor has been good but very difficult to get a hold of and it seems to be getting worse. I have a meeting with her next week but I am going to have to pay as of January and I don't think I can afford it now I have all the bills, I went to see another solicitor yesterday who said I did nt qualify for legal aid given my wage, yet my outgoings are through the roof?

Hi Mark,

If you fill these questions in it will give you more of an idea as to what you might expect. It might be that you will be able to do most of the work yourself. People here on wiki will always help you. Lots on here are self repping thereby cutting down their costs considerably.

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Forum/...G-IN-THIS-FORUM.html

Or you could start a new thread with these questions.

I am sure your little girl will be ok, how often do you get to see her??

zara

Zara2008 wrote:

Hi Mark,

If you fill these questions in it will give you more of an idea as to what you might expect. It might be that you will be able to do most of the work yourself. People here on wiki will always help you. Lots on here are self repping thereby cutting down their costs considerably.

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Forum/...G-IN-THIS-FORUM.html

Or you could start a new thread with these questions.

I am sure your little girl will be ok, how often do you get to see her??

zara

I did get to see my children 3 times a week having them for1 overnight stay on a friday or saturday night. I was seeing the children for 3 hours on a tuesday and wednesday at the marital home. That is no longer an option and the tuesday and wednesday evening thing can no longer happen as her mother claims she is unwilling to drop of or collect them for some unknown reason. They claim my behaviour is dispicable, but I have onlyput facts in front of her which she has not confirmed or denied. When I told her I would tell her parents these facts she firstly begged me not to say anything due to their health, then she must have told them some lies and they blaim and ignore me. I was hoping they maybe able to make her realise that I have a right to know and persuade her. However, I m not sure what she has or has not told them of my revelations and now I have been given a proposal of once a week during the week for 1 - 1 and a half hours and then the weekend arrangement can remain.

The marital home, my outgoings and other assets are all up in the air at the moment, the house is unoccupied and I ve had to cancel all of the utilities and tv, phone etc in order to kep paying the mortgage and personal loan etc. I dont know where to fill these questions in?

If you click on the link I sent to you it should come up with a thread, not sure how people do it, never done it myself, but if you copy and paste the details of Amanda's thread, add it onto the end of your thread, by clicking reply as you have been, this should do it.

z

Zara2008 wrote:

If you click on the link I sent to you it should come up with a thread, not sure how people do it, never done it myself, but if you copy and paste the details of Amanda's thread, add it onto the end of your thread, by clicking reply as you have been, this should do it.

z

I come home with about £1300 a month and she works part time and comes awy with about £540 a month. She has left the marital home, dropped her contributions to the joined account and taken up a private tenancy agreement and claiming benefits and tax credits. I now have the mortgage to pay and a personal(both in our joined name)aswell as mortgage life insurance, car insurance. I reckon my outgoings before maintenance will equait to about £900 +.

Is it right that she cn just walk away from these joined financial responsibilities? I am so scared of the assests getting reposessed and getting negative crdit history that I ve cut all of the bills including house insurance and I m still skint. Bare in mind I have to still cater for my children when I have them. I live with my parents again who have been good but I am paying board too.
The house is unoccpied and on the market for £155k and we have about £50k equity.