Feeling so guilty

I'm really touched to read these posts from other people in similar positions. It helps a lot to know I'm not a freak and that there are others.

I'm very glad that both Living again and jayme have managed to move on and feel positive about it - despite all the difficulties that they both mention. Thank you both for sharing your experiences - it gives me strength to feel like I need to keep going trying to make thinsg better.

With Xmas coming it's very hard not to become buried in guilt feelings. Can I really break everything up so that this will be our last family Xmas. I struggle with this - I feel like I should jsut forget it all and stay where I am. However I know that I can't really do this as I think I will explode at some point if I keep bottling up my real feelings.

j007 - I'm sure your wife won't have taken her decision lightly and if she shares my level of guilt she'll be feeling terrible. It's so hard when one partner still has strong feelings and the other one doesn't. At times I feel like there must be something wrong with me for not being able to love my husband. But I just don't and I can't really explain why. I hope you and your stbx manage to stay friends in some way and that you can have an 'amicable' divorce. That is my wish but I'm so scared that it might not work out that way.

mark - I'm so sorry you're on the other end of this sort of situation. I know it must be horrific. It's very sad that your wife can't manage to tell her feelinsg of remorse - I'm sure she must have them. I know my feelings are so painful I can barely admit them to myself - let alone tell my husband - without just breaking in to tears - and then all that emotion just seems to make things harder to deal with. Maybe she feels it easier to cope with if she doesn't talk.

angie - thanks for your support - I will keep going with my counselling it is helping to talk things through and to realise what my real feelings are. Now I'm trying to figure out how to tell my husband - I want to minimise his pain but don't know how to do this - probably impossible given the situation.

I wanted to add an update in here and to say thanks again to the people who were kind enough to offer me support before. This really did help me believe I could do this.

I have now finally told my H that I want to go. It has been the hardest thing I ever done. I don't want to go into details of our conversations since - they have been incredibly difficult and painful - and we have both cried like never before. I think he now accepts that there is no way forward for us as a couple - I hope we can do this amicably and still have time together with our kids as a family on occasions.

The weeks and months ahead are still going to be very hard but I do feel so relieved that I have finally found it in myself to take this step - I just couldn't let the rest of my life go by as it was. We both deserve better and I hope this will be the first step towards this.

I have to start working on the practicalities now and I know this won't be easy either - but I don't think anything will be as hard as the last few days.

Thanks for the advice and support
darwin

you are strong darwin, you know i wish you all the best keep in touch, i am sure you have inspired many others in similar situations reading on this site.
pink x