Sad, lonely and confused

Hope the last few days have been ok...how was it when you saw him?

I saw him on Tues, driving HER car with HER in the passenger seat picking Her Son up from school!
I felt crushed but made it through the day without falling apart. I had hospital on Weds, he knew before he left I was so worried but he didn't even get in touch to find out how I got on.
Thank God I was given the all clear but still had to go through the biopsy and scans.
I want to get to the stage where I hate him but I still feel numb and cry for no reason.
My self confidence has gone and I'm lonely, he always told me I wouldn't find anyone else and the thought of being alone for the rest of my life scares me.
Wish I had a magic wand and then I would take away everyones pain!

Hi, for whats its worth never listen to those people who say 'you will never find anyone else' as this is simply another way for them to maintain their control over you and if you give yourself enough time to heal you will find someone else. It is really difficult to remember what you did as a person before being in a relationship especially a controlling type one which over time tries to destroy the 'real you' and what defined you but always remember that you are free to think and feel as you wish and I am sure you can be that person you were before all this happened.

For me the best thing is getting a thorough understanding of one's self as it allows me to simply ignore the 'attacks' from Ex now. I know the type of person that I am and its not how she describes me, do not let this person describe you, that is your right not his.

Keep busy and if at all possible when you are starting to get low, post here (or Chat) or call a friend, read a good book etc just distract yourself.

All the best, Jim

Sorry you are going through this Angeldust.

Try not to think about wether or not you will get another partner. You dont want to be placing that kind of pressure on yourself. You just need to think about yourself for now.

Take a day at a time. When you get up in the morning, all you should think about is just getting through that 1 day, dont think about tomorrow, or the rest of your life, just think about today.

I know it's a tough road, but you will get along it and come out a better, stronger person.

Good luck.

Better to be alone and in control of your destiny than put up with someone's inability to commit, deceit and controlling behaviour for the sake of not being alone.

Nothing more lonely than being in a relationship that isn't working.

You are still emotionally raw. You will go through a healing process. I am now quite happy being by myself. I have been out 3 times this week, went out on my own and walked back with other people. Not bothered about finding another man - what on earth for?


Concentrate on getting through this week, don't think too much about how awful the future will be. It will be as good as you can make it!

Angel,

Don't you believe a word he says. That is a hurtful thing and should be immediatley dismissed as complete and utter bullcr@p.

You need to rally round some friends to help with being alone. You have cats, stroke them all, let them purr next to you. (that's what I do) It's very relaxing.

It's great news to hear that you have been given the all clear. Your H isn't caring at the moment as he can't be. He has made someone else his focus, that's his problem, not yours.

You don't want to hate him, what you want is to be TOTALLY not bothered. That is the best place to be. Hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is.

Magic wands are great, but you can't learn anything with them apart from maybe getting a rabbit from a hat . You will be able to look back at some point and realise just how much you have learned from this whole experience, bad or not.

Hang in there, and keep posting on here, it will help!

Was up cleaning my kitchen till gone 1 this morning!!!! Didn't want to go to bed. I'm so tired now (it's 6) I have a feeling it's going to be a bad day. My best friend (male) who has been a great support has now said he's worried about giving me the wrong impression so has backed right off, leaving me with nobody to talk to so I feel even more alone and abandoned At this moment in time I feel desperate and can't stop crying, my mind won't keep still. I keep thinking I should have done this or should have said that and am feeling everything is my fault.
I don't want to give my ex the satisfaction of dragging me down but I really have no control over my emotions. He's living his life as if nothing hs happened, putting someone else in my place and I feel so let down and used. In the 4 yrs we were together he left me at least 5 times, everytime wanting me back, getting in touch and promising me he couldn't live without me and had changed. We were apart for 3 months before xmas, he had found this other woman and didn't contact me until someone told him I had a new boyfriend (i didn't) He then pestered me and eventually I had him back. I wish I could have stayed strong then because prob by now I would be over the worst. Sorry to ramble on, I'm just so sad.
Hope you all have a peacefull day X