Sad, lonely and confused

Sometimes you need to take them back to get rid of all the what ifs. I think he has shown you that he doesn't want to be with you and however hard it is to take in you have to think of yourself now. You need to move forward...there will be tears but you can't change how he feels and you can't be happy with someone who doesn't want to be with you.
It is all very raw at the moment but you will get stronger, focus on yourself, try and keep yourself busy. There is no quick fix, but read the posts of other members and see how they move on as the weeks/months go by. You have given him enough chances...stay strong and try not to give in again, because once he sees you move on with your life I bet he will mess with your head again, asking to come back.

When I was working hard to save my marriage I do remember being really angry with myself for being really weak in not expecting the inevitable. Someone said to me that I should look at in another way, in that at some point in the future I will be able to look back and know I worked damn hard to save my marriage.

I think you are in this phase. By trying to have him back you are doing everything you can to salvage things and you will get comfort from this in the future and not think 'did I try hard enough?'

Take care

Steve

You do NOT want a man who can't commit to you and has another woman on another burner elsewhere!

You want someone who will support you and be with you. Who doesn't?!

But we don't always have someone. So we have to do 2 things

a) be our own best support/soulmate/significant other
b) get a support system in place

To do a) stop telling yourself you are weak. You aren't. You are human. You wanted your marriage to work. That is commendable. Pat yourself on the back, you did what you thought was for the best. OK. Now you know your marriage is over. Be kind to yourself, do something to cheer yourself up. If you find yourself doing something daft like looking at old photos or some such, don't beat yourself up. Do what you'd do if you were your best friend, smile indulgently, put the photos back and do something else.

To do b) you already have a son, so you aren't alone. Your son cannot take the place of your husband, but he is someone who needs you and its good to feel needed. He can also be a gateway to other adults - ie parents of other scouts/schoolfriends. Get to know them, even if you don't think you have much in common.

Contact old friends - arrange to meet up if you can. Or text, phone, write, email, whatever.

Join a group with mutual interests - book club, film club, family history society, rambler's association, whatever.

make the effort. I've done all the above and its so worth it. 7 months after my ex (married 18 years, with him 31!) left me for a younger model, I am soo much happier. I've joined a book club and a film club. Not so I can meet "the one" but so I can talk to men and women about things we are both interested in. I talk to everyone and accept all invitations even if I'm not keen. I haven't regretted it.

You are so right, everytime he hears I'm getting on with my life he gets in touch. So...I will stay strong and hold my head high and show him I don't need him! (feeling a bit brave at the mo!)

Go Girl!!

I have managed to get through the day with the help of my one and only friend!!! Although he's male he is my best friend and whoever bags him is one lucky lady We went to a salsa and cha cha class tonight, I didn't want to go but my friend insisted and I loved it! My ex wasn't a sociable man, he wouldn't let me mix with his friends, so to go out on an evening with other people was great. I will prob have to see my ex tomorrow as I am a car parts delivery driver and will have to deliver to him as he owns a garage...BUT...I will hold my head high smaile sweetly and hide all the pain in my heart. I won't give him the satisfaction of seeing me sad. Thanks to all you lovely people who have posted replies... It's so nice to know you're out there. X

Hi Angeldust,

I'm a newbie to this site myself & live in Bristol too. I had the shock of my life 3 weeks ago when my husband of 13 yers told me he was in love with someone else. Always happy to chat.